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Permanent State of Confusion

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RE: The Etch A Sketch thread


You're all special to me.

Does that help?

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Doesn't Do Windows



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Jeremy Riggs wrote:

Well thank you for the tutorial!  I never knew what the difference was either.  If I had to guess I would have said POP is the one that will go get the email every minute or how ever often I set it to retrieve the email.  

 


 

And that's ok. I don't expect every email user to know the difference, but if you're selling your IT services, I would expect you to know stuff like that.



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Bad Biker Granny



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(AHEM) Please be sure that the reason your SS7 call trap is not working is that the trunk you are attempting to trap on is actually SS7 capable BEFORE you send an e-mail to your upper level support asking why the SS7 monitoring system is malfunctioning.

In a quasi-related side note, when you send the snapshot of the operational measurements from the trunk you are testing to your upper level support, highlighting the pegs for a particular field and the header for that field, please make sure that you are selecting the correct header to correlate with the peg value. Otherwise you just look like a dipschizzle when what you are claiming is calls that were tandemed off to another location are actually calls that received answer from the term end.

In summary, please be sure you have an actual point before you complain.

This PSA brought to you by your increasingly irritated upper level support.

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Doesn't Do Windows



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Ok, there's this lady . . .

Years ago, she came into my shop with a little job to do. I did the job. She was looking around here and she said "Wow, you have a lot of unused space in these front office rooms! I'm starting a new business and I need some office space, would you consider renting to me?" I wasn't really interested in having this lady around here throughout the day, but she started talking money and it sounded like a nice extra bit of income. She said she wouldn't have any customer traffic, it was a mail order business and she just needed storage space and an office. So, against my better judgment, I took her money.

I quickly learned that this lady was a dingbat.

Her business was wedding supplies. She was so excited. She was going to be the biggest wedding supplies provider in the world!

After she got moved in, she told me she was working on getting her "brochure" printed. (To the rest of the world, it would be called a catalog, but for her, it was a "brochure".) I later found out that this "brochure" was a major deal. She was sparing NO expense. All, high quality, heavy glossy pages . . . it really was a classy "brochure". She gradually let it out that she invested $30,000 in these little catalogs. $30K!!! I don't remember how many she got, but she had them stacked in here and I remember being surprised at how small that $30,000 stack of catalogs was.

Lots of little things proved to me daily what a dingbat she was. I remember once . . . I have a big blue trash barrel out here in the shop. She hollered at me "The trash is full!" which I took as a not so subtle hint that she wanted me to take the trash to the dump. I said "Really, already? I just dumped it a few days ago, let's go see what filled it up." So, we went out the shop and she had just then put an empty box in the barrel that just barely fit and took up the whole thing. I pulled the empty box out, dropped it beside the barrel and said "There, the trash can is empty, and we can use this box as an extra trash bin".

A few times she hinted around how she didn't like the level of noise I made in the shop. Really? You're surprised that a woodworking shop is noisy?

Finally her big day arrived. She was going to her first wedding show. She packed up her "brochures" and headed off to (I think it was) Omaha. She was so excited. The orders were going to be pouring in!

When she got back a couple days later, I asked her how it went. She started crying "Oh, it was terrible. I put my brochures out and those girls just grabbed them and took off. They didn't want to talk about what we have. They didn't want to see any products. It was like they just wanted our expensive brochures to take home and dream about their "someday" wedding. I think a lot of them were not even engaged!"

I didn't say much . . . BUT I'm a guy. Even I know that young girls like to dream about their fancy "someday" weddings. I wanted to reply with "well duh!", but I didn't.

She still had hopes. She still thought the orders were going to come. She put on her "brochure" that order hours were from 9:00am to 9:00pm with a phone number which rang into her office here. She did get calls. Unless I was making excessive noises in the shop, I could hear her phone ring through the wall. Her typical hours to be here were about 11:00-noon . . . then go to lunch. Then she'd come back after lunch and stay until about 2:00-3:00. She was complaining about her lack of orders and I told her that I can hear her phone ringing throughout the day when she's not here. She said "Well, I have the answering machine. If they want something, they can just leave the order on the machine". I said, I just know from my own experience that if I called a company to order something and didn't get an answer, I wouldn't leave the order on a machine, I'd just find another company. She said "Well, I'm just one person. They can't expect me to be here all the time!" (Even though her "brochure" says they are open 12 hrs/day)

Anyway, her "business" lasted about six months. I also learned through just being around her and her husband as they talked that she was spending family money and she had gotten cut off. Her business dreams were over. I really do think she believed that if she just spent enough money and put her stuff out there, all she'd have to do is deposit the checks.

They still have a family farm not far from here. They moved to Virginia, and they rent out the farm to more family. So they occasionally are around, but not very often. I've only seen them a few times around town since she left.

Yesterday, she came into the shop. Her husband was working on a repair to the farm house and he need a special cut made on a board ASAP because they were going to be leaving again on a sailing trip (spending more family money). I couldn't do it right then and I told her that I wasn't sure if I would get it done yesterday, but if not, I would get it done today. She gave me a number to call when I got it done. I wrote the number right on the board as she gave it to me so it would be there and I couldn't lose it. I did get it done yesterday so I called. "The number you have dialed has been disconnected or is no longer in service...."

I just laughed out loud. Yup, she's still a dingbat. She couldn't even give me the right phone number.







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Bad Biker Granny



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It makes you wonder how some people make it through a day, doesn't it?

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Wow. We print catalogs, and I can't even imagine how many $30,000 would get you. No matter how nice it was, I'd guess that they were taking advantage of her. I get a lot of customers like that in here, saying spare no expense when I suggest they don't need certain options. There was one dude like that, who was an absolute jackass (I think I talked about him when he was still around) who we ended up having to sue to get our money.

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This is an Etch customer.  He's one of the Other Owner's customers, but he never comes in and asks for the Other Owner, just expecting everyone else to know his account.  I even asked who he dealt with before, and he didn't know, even when the Other Owner walked by.

We got this customer's letterhead all ready to print, but we're printed it in two different colors before, so the Other Owner didn't know which one we were supposed to do.  So he tried giving the guy a call on Wednesday.

He couldn't leave a voicemail because the customer's voicemail box was full.  Today the customer told us that he does that on purpose so telemarketers couldn't leave messages.  (This is his business number.)

The customer tried calling back on Thursday.  That would be the 4th, obviously we weren't here.

He said he also tried on Friday.  Like many businesses, we were closed on Friday as well.

Today he just stops in.  All he knew was that someone called him, but he didn't know why.

How in the world does this guy own a business?



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I'm setting up a letterhead for one of the Etch's customers that includes the phrase: The Community Justice & Mediation Center Promotes a Civil and Just Community Through Mediation, Education, and Restorative Justice.

She reads it out loud to me as, "The Community Justice & Medication Center Promotes a Civil and Just Community Through Medication, Education, and Restorative Justice."

Freudian slip?



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Bad Biker Granny



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Possibly just a personal opinion... or perhaps preference.

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"But they're Mexican, so..."

She was referring to filling out an order form correctly.

I cringed.

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My boss has a friend that's more like a daughter to her. The "daughter's" son is my boss's god son. The "daughter" has a lot of serious health problems, so my boss helps her out financially, especially when it comes to stuff for her god son. He's a teenager now, 15 or 16 (and a nice kid!).

Yesterday, she took the afternoon off to get him clothes for school. She was kind of dreading it, because it's shopping with a teenage boy. Like I said, he's a good kid, and he has to wear uniforms at school, so it really wasn't that big of a deal.

Today the Etch comes in and asks if the shopping trip was fun. My boss replied not really, just an errand that had to be done.

I added, "Yeah, you're shopping for a teenage boy."

The Etch replied, "He's almost a man!"

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Etch: "What's a drawing error?"

Um, when the portrait looks more like Sloth from The Goonies than George Clooney? But I didn't say that out loud.

Instead I said: "Context?"

Etch: "I'm trying to do this stupid thing and it's giving me a drawing error."

Oh, well, that clears it up.

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The Etch shows me a job she's trying to print out, but her color pictures are coming out as black squares.

Then she shows me her print screen and says, "See, I even have 'Print Color as Black' checked!"

Hm, I wonder what the problem is... Grr.

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Bad Biker Granny



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Me (calling Kev) Hey, so I need you to do me a favor... you have my truck keys. On that keychain is a couple barrel keys. I need you to bring those to me so I can unlock my docking station.
Kev: Now?
Me: Uh... yeah. Gotta be out of the office soon.
Kev: Well, uh... I gotta uh.. go pee and put on some shoes. I'm also going to have to put gas in my truck and...
Me: What? Don't bother with putting gas in your truck. Just drive mine.
Kev: Does yours have gas in it?
Me: Yes, that is more or less why I suggested you drive it.
Kev: Uh...
Me: Dude! It is not that big of a deal. Just get here.
Kev: Okay

10 minutes later

Me: (calling Kev) Have you left yet?
Kev: Yeah, I'm going to the gas station.
Me: Why? There is gas in my truck.
Kev: Cuz I'm in my truck.
Me: Why?!? I though we agreed you would use my truck.
Kev: Cuz mine needs gas. So I decided to drive mine.
Me: I'm on a time frame here. I need you to not diddle around.
Kev: But I needed to put some gas in mine, so I figured this would be a good opportunity.
Me: I need to be out of this office in fairly short order. Can't go til I can unlock my docking station. Can't do that while you have my keys.
Kev: Well, I'm just gonna stop and get gas.
Me: TIME FRAME!!!!!
Kev: Okay. I'm just gonna go across 119th street and get some gas.
Me: Hurry.
Kev: Okay, okay. I'll quit d!cking around.


And he wonders why I don't generally ask him to do stuff for me.

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The Etch called me down because she was trying to type "O'Connor" into a box and getting the following message:

"Your search has one of the following special characters: "!@#$%^&*()+=-[]\\\';,./{}|\":<>?" Please remove them and try again."

I reached over and typed in "OConnor".

She said, "How'd you do that?"

...

She's going to be gone all next week. Thank goodness.

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I'm going to stab her with a Sharpie...

I know she's doing something wrong, but I don't know how to do it right because it's normally her job.

When I did it, I asked, "Does that sound right?"

She said, "No. I don't know."

Me, "If you don't know, what makes you say it doesn't sound right?"

Her, "Because I don't know what that is."

WTH? I have no clue what to do in that situation, so I just let it go. Hopefully it's right.

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My boss has somehow avoided using Excel for most of her professional life. Part of that is that my coworker, her husband, has set up database programs for her, so she's used those.

She decided that she'd rather use a spreadsheet for this one database (of about 20 items), instead of the database program (don't blame her). She's having the issue of thinking she doesn't know a program, so is afraid to push buttons.

She just came in and asked, "We're no longer carrying this item. I want to delete it from the spreadsheet, but I don't want an empty row. How do I do that?"

I told her, "Select the whole row by clicking the number on the side. Right click, and select Delete Row."

She went back into her office and called, "I'm right clicking on the number, but I can't find it."

I yelled back, "Is there something that says something similar?"

"Clear contents?"

That didn't sound right, so I went into her office. She was in fact right clicking in the correct spot. "You want to delete the row, right?"

"Yes."

"Then click Delete, right above Clear Contents."

At least she knows she's being etchy about it.

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In an email from the Etch, about one of our customers: "...is my favorite person to work with and that is also in spite of the fact she is skinny..."  She's trying to be funny, and I'm not skinny, but I still find that offensive.



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We're printing a booklet for a local homeless shelter. The Etch and The Other Owner are making fun of the (homeless or past-homeless) people pictured in it! I just walked away.

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Bad Biker Granny



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Karma has a way of smacking people... seems like she is ticking up the bad points.

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Bad Biker Granny



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Progression of events over several days (single e-mail chain)

(2 weeks ago)

Traffic person: Michele, I need you to move the remaining traffic off of the legacy Puerto Rico switch to the new NV network so legacy can be decommed.

Me: The only remaining traffic on the legacy switch are codes we were told to leave there because of unresolved one way audio and post dial delay issues. (included the ticket numbers and codes)

Someone else: Have these issues been resolved?

Someone else #2: Michele, have you resolved these issues?

Me: One way audio and PDD are not issues mine to resolve. They belong to NTAC.

Someone else #2: I need more information on these issues.

Me: I gave you the ticket numbers. You will need to review the ticket notes.

Someone else #!: Have these issues been resolved?

Someone else #2: I need more information.

(meanwhile my supervisor tells me to move the codes anyway)

Me: I don't know if the issues have been resolved or not, but I was ordered to move the codes to the NV network by my boss, so I did.

(Today)

Someone else #!: Have these issues been resolved?

Traffic Person's Boss: My understanding is that Michele moved the codes.

Me: I did... this does not, however, in any way indicate the the issues were resolved. It just means my boss told me to disregard the previous orders to leave the codes on the legacy network.


How is it that I always get stuck having to point out the obvious? Friggin people...





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Bad Biker Granny



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And the dumbarse of the day award goes to: Co-worker (somewhat overweight lady) talking to other co-worker (morbidly obese dude) in the break room using the microwave...

When I walk up on the scene, they are of course discussing food. Lady is telling dude that she figured out why she had been packing on the pounds despite the fact that she is always on a diet... she was eating cucumbers on her salad! Yep, that's the culprit. Cucumbers. (a vegetable with zero fat, b) .9 grams of sugar per half cup, c) 1.9 grams of carbs per half cup. Couldn't possibly have anything to do with whatever else she is dumping on the salad, like a gallon of ranch dressing...) That sure does have to be it. She then notes that he is getting ready to heat up some plain salmon and decides to tell him about her wonderful recipe for salmon. "You cook it on the one side, then when you flip it you pour a mixture of brown sugar and soy sauce over it.". Yep... it's totally the cucumbers! I think she should write a diet book!

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Wow, cucumbers.

We've been having fresh cucumbers for dinner instead of a starch a lot lately. That must be my problem.

Really, out of all the foods to vilify, cucumbers?

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Bad Biker Granny



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I will grant you that she might have an extremely odd allergy, but I think probably the only thing she is really allergic to is common sense. The cucumber, on the whole, is a pretty benign vegetable.

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We were talking about annoying things that people do (irony, oh yes, keep reading), and the Etch said that Coworker sometimes walks through the office whistling and it interrupts her concentration. (Oh honey, it's not the cucumbers- er, whistling...)

I replied that everyone here whistles, and it also drives me nuts.

Afterwards, I went back to my office. No sooner did I sit in my chair, she started whistling.

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Bad Biker Granny



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Betcha she was intentionally being an a-hole.

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I don't think so. I think she really is that clueless. She's not quite smart enough to do the passive aggressive thing.

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It's 4:39 pm. She says, "I have to go. I have to get to the yarn store before it closes."

First, yes, because getting to the yarn store is some serious emergency business.

There's two dedicated yarn stores in town. They both close at 6 on a weeknight. Other stores that sell yarn are open until 8 or later. All of these stores are open on Saturdays, and except for Hobby Lobby, open on Sundays.

The furthest yarn store that closes at 6 is just downtown, a 5-10 minute drive away. Heck, I know for a fact I can walk to it in under 30 minutes.

On top of all of this, I have an obligation to be at Barnes & Noble on the far side of town (a whole 15 minutes away), at 6 pm for the write in that I organized, for the writing group that I'm the leader of. I also need to stop by home on the way there. Yet somehow, I can stay here until 5.

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My boss: "Why do I have a message that Supplier has new shipping options?"
Me: "Because Supplier has new shipping options."

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Bad Biker Granny



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Doesn't it just kill you when the obvious totally escapes some people?

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