You gotta appreciate it's complete dedication to BS. The whole publication is the most exaggerate stuff. It's now no longer going to be available in print, so no more Bat Boy stories while you stand bored in the grocery checkout line! But fear not, it's hilarity continues online...
New Superstition: Theres More to Worry About Than Black Cats!
By BY MICHAEL ROVIN
SALEM, Mass. "People know that bad luck is supposed to befall anyone whose path is crossed by a black cat," said superstition expert David Goth. "However, my findings indicate that cats are only one of many ominous creatures to be avoided."
While researching the Salem Witch Trials last month, Goth discovered a book called Black Beasts.
It was hidden in the floorboards of a house that belonged to the first coven to dwell in the town, said Goth. "It's over four hundred years old and details a number of hitherto unknown spells and curses. But I was most interested in the reported consequences of encountering other black animals."
The first cursed animals mentioned in Black Beasts were goats.
"While not much of a problem now, people often had black goats cross their paths in the 1600s, when farmers commonly walked them through the town," said Goth. "Little did these agrarian people know that they were causing the facial hair of onlookers to grow one hundred times faster than normal."
Goth released a list of other hexed creatures that witches used to work evil spells. Among them were:
Black flies: They make people deathly allergic to insect bites.
Black horses: They give people huge sores on their seats.
Black birds: They make people fall out of love with their spouses.
Black bats: They trap the blood in a persons head and cause terrible migraines.
Black bears: They put people into a coma for several months.
Black squirrels: They drive people nuts.
"This book could explain a number of mysterious maladies that people have suffered over the years, said Goth. "I was most intrigued by the animal that caused family members to suddenly hate and ostracize the person whose path it crossed.
I'm definitely going to stay away from black sheep from now on."
__________________
-- Heather: "I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it!"
Aw man, the article was a jpeg housed on JR's server, and it looks like he took it down (or it got lost). I have it at home somewhere, I'll have to scan it back in. It was an article about a kitten sentenced to the death penalty for killing its owner. The best part was the picture of the kitten strapped to a table with a syringe coming at it, and a form you filled out to say whether or not the kitten should die. It was hilarious!
Since it's all made up, they should just start re-printing the junk from previous years....the people that read this regularly won't even realize it's a repeat!
Aw man, the article was a jpeg housed on JR's server, and it looks like he took it down (or it got lost). I have it at home somewhere, I'll have to scan it back in. It was an article about a kitten sentenced to the death penalty for killing its owner. The best part was the picture of the kitten strapped to a table with a syringe coming at it, and a form you filled out to say whether or not the kitten should die. It was hilarious!
Oh that's waaaaay better than bat boy or the hairy-tongued children!
__________________
-- Heather: "I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it!"
The whole publication is the most exaggerate stuff. It's now no longer going to be available in print, so no more Bat Boy stories while you stand bored in the grocery checkout line! But fear not, it's hilarity continues online...
