OK, so we have our faults: Forgetting anniversaries, forgetting to put the seat down, and a whole bunch of other important things Im forgetting. But before you go wishing for a world devoid of us big dumb apes, take a minute to reflect on all the joy we bring to your world. Like duct tape, dudes have all kinds of helpful uses, like

1. We do gross things you dont want to do
Got a bug that needs squishing? A clogged drain that needs snaking? In this day and age of women doing it for themselves, every once in a while, its nice to sit back and let a guy feel like a real man and do your dirty work for you. Whether were sweating our butt off hefting air conditioners into your bedroom window or carrying heavy cases of bottled water from the car to the house, dudes are not above getting grimy for your affection.

2. Our constant desire to have sex with you has got to be good for your ego
Maybe our attempts to have quickies before you run out the door for work arent exactly romantic, but what can we say, you drive us wild! What could be a better boost for your self-image than a dude who wants to spend as much time as humanly possible in the presence of your nakedness?

3. Well never tell you that you look fat in those jeans
No matter how many times you ask or what size they are, the answer will always be unilaterally, unequivocally NO.

4. Were easy to please
Fancy dinners? Pricey presents? Save your dough. To bring a big smile to your fellas face, follow this simple equation: One beer + one couch = happy man.

5. We keep you up to date on all the latest gadgets
You dont want a TV set bigger than your dining-room table? Fine, but well let you know when your computer is hopelessly outdated and which new cell phone doubles as an MP3, takes pictures, and reminds you to call your mom on her birthday all at the same time. Its like having your own personal electronics consultantfor free!

6. You can squeeze our arms as hard as you like during the scary parts of movies
And aside from making great stress squeeze balls at the multiplex, were also good to call in the middle of the night when you think you hear some gigantic mouse sneaking around downstairs. No man will say no to a late-night trip to your place because (a) We care about you and want to make sure youre OK and (b) The potential for sex is way too high to pass up.

7. Our old college T-shirts are the most comfortable pajamas in the universe
See? Theres a very good reason that we refuse to throw them out.

8. We make you laugh your butt off
Sometimes, being an overgrown three-year-old has its benefits, like all the weird website links we forward you to break up your boring day at work.

9. Whenever youre upset about work, our response is always, Your boss is an f-ing idiot.
Dudes see things in black and white. Were not all about understanding the subtleties and layers of an argument. If youre having problems at your job, we wont play psychoanalyst and try to get to the root of the problem. We wont try to figure out if you are doing anything to make the situation worse: If your boss is pissing you off, your boss is obviously a jerk and doesnt deserve to have you onboard.

10. We nearly always make the first move
Asking someone out, leaning in for that first kissall instances that can result in ego-destroying rejection. But even the meekest of men are willing to take the risk when a beauty like you steps into our lives. So sit back and enjoy watching us tremble.