In the window of an Indian shop: "Why go somewhere else to be cheated, when you can come here?" In a Bucharest hotel lobby: "The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable." In a Belgrade hotel elevator: "To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin should enter more persons, each one should press a number of wishing floor. Driving is then going alphabetically by national order. " In a Paris hotel elevator: "Please leave your values at the front desk."
In a hotel in Athens: "Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily."
In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery: You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursday."
In an Austrian hotel catering to skiers: "Not to perambulate the corridors in the hours of repose in the boots of ascension."
On the menu of a Swiss restaurant: "Our wines leave you nothing to hope for." On the menu of a Polish hotel: "Salad a firm's own make; limpid red beat soup with cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger; roasted duck let loose; beef rashers beaten up in the country people's fashion." In a Hong Kong supermarket: "For your convenience, we recommend courteous, efficient self-service." Outside a Hong Kong tailor shop: "Ladies may have a fit upstairs."
In a Nairobi restaurant: "Customers who find our waitress rude, ought to see the manager".
In an East African newspaper: "A new swimming pool is rapidly taking shape since the contractors have thrown in the bulk of their workers."
In a Vienna hotel: "In case of fire, do your utmost to alarm the hotel porter."
In an advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist: "Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists."
A translated sentence from a Russian chess book: "A lot of water has been passed under the bridge since this variation has been played."
In a Pumwani maternity ward: "No children allowed".
In the window of a Swedish furrier: "Fur coats made for ladies from their own skin."
On the box of a clockwork toy made in Hong Kong: "Guaranteed to work throughout its useful life."
Detour sign in Kyushi, Japan: "Stop: Drive Sideways."
In a Swiss mountain inn: "Special today -- no ice cream."
In a Copenhagen airline ticket office: "We take your bags and send them in all directions."
On the door of a Moscow hotel room: "If this is your first visit to the USSR, you are welcome to it."
At a Budapest zoo: "Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty." In a Tokyo shop: "Our nylons cost more than common, but you'll find they are best in the long run."
Two signs from a Majorcan shop entrance: "English well talking. - Here speeching American."
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-- Heather: "I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it!"
