Bill Gates was busily writing a big, important memo on his computer to all his department heads. He just about had it all formatted exactlly as he wanted when his computer locked up hard. After unsuccessfully being able to continue, he had to reboot which resulted in a loss of his unsaved memo.
As his computer was rebooting, he was not happy about having to do start the memo over, and the thought to himself "Man! I wish I had a nickel for every time Windows locked up". Suddenly, a calm came over him as he then thought "Oh wait . . . I do ! ! !"
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"It could be that the purpose of your life is only to serve as a warning to others."
1. Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll
squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"
2. Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there? I'm going to eat the next thing that comes out of its butt."
3. Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
4. If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?
5. Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?
6. Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!
7. If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme crap, why
didn't he just buy dinner?
8. If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
9. If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from
vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?
10. If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
11. Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the
same tune?
12. Stop singing and read on..........
13. Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
14. Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
15. Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?
16. Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
17. Do you ever wonder why you gave me your email address in the first
Oh man! I just heard that our Nebraska Cornhusker quarterback is not coming back next season. It seems he is going to work full time for a local bakery making turnovers.
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"It could be that the purpose of your life is only to serve as a warning to others."
Guy Goes to Hell & meets up with the devil. The devil brings the guy to three doors, and tells him to choose one of them, for that will be his fate for eternity.
He goes to door #1 & looks inside. He sees thousands of people standing on their heads on a floor of Bricks. "That looks awfully painful. Let me look in the next door."
He goes to door #2 & looks inside. He sees thousands of people standing on their heads on beds of broken glass. "That looks even worse than the first door. Let me look in the last door."
He goes to door #3 & looks inside. He sees thousands of people standing waist deep in manure, drinking coffee. "Well, the smell is pretty bad, but I have all of eternity to get used to it. I could stand around drinking coffee for Eternity. OK devil, I choose door #3"
A few minutes later, the guy has just finished pouring his first cup of coffee, when the devil walks into the room. He says:"OK everyone, Coffee Break is over! Back on Your Heads!"
Sure, let's throw out a something walks into the bar joke...
A bear walks into the bar. The barman doesn't usually serve bears, but it's a slow night so he asked the bear what he'll have.
The bear looks around a bit and replies, "I'll have a gin.......................................... . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .................and tonic."
