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Post Info TOPIC: Blackboard writings of Bart Simpson
MzHartz


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Blackboard writings of Bart Simpson
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I will not carve gods.
I will not spank others.
I will not aim for the head.
I will not barf unless I'm sick
I will not expose the ignorance of the faculty.
I saw nothing unusual in the teacher's lounge.
I will not conduct my own fire drills.
Funny noises are not funny.
I will not snap bras.
I will not fake seizures.
This punishment is not boring and pointless.
My name is not Dr. Death.
I will not defame New Orleans.
I will not prescribe medication.
I will not bury the new kid.
I will not teach others to fly.
I will not bring sheep to class.
A burp is not an answer.
Teacher is not a leper.
Coffee is not for kids.
I will not eat things for money.
I will not yell "She's Dead" at roll call.
The principal's toupee is not a Frisbee.
I will not call the principal "spud head".
Goldfish don't bounce.
Mud is not one of the 4 food groups.
No one is interested in my underpants.
I will not sell miracle cures.
I will return the seeing-eye dog.
I do not have diplomatic immunity.
I will not charge admission to the bathroom.
I will never win an Emmy.
The cafeteria deep fryer is not a toy.
All work and no play makes Bart a dull boy.
I will not say "Springfield" just to get applause.
I am not authorized to fire substitute teachers.
My homework was not stolen by a one-armed man.
I will not go near the kindergarten turtle.
I am not deliciously saucy.
Organ transplants are best left to professionals.
The Pledge of Allegiance does not end with "Hail Satan".
I will not celebrate meaningless milestones.
There are plenty of businesses like show business.
Five days is not too long to wait for a gun.
I will not waste chalk.
I will not skateboard in the halls.
I will not instigate revolution.
I will not draw naked ladies in class.
I did not see Elvis.
I will not call my teacher "Hot Cakes".
Garlic gum is not funny.
They are laughing at me, not with me.
I will not yell "Fire" in a crowded classroom.
I will not encourage others to fly.
I will not fake my way through life.
Tar is not a plaything.
I will not Xerox my butt.
It's potato, not potatoe.
I will not trade pants with others.
I am not a 32 year old woman.
I will not do that thing with my tongue.
I will not drive the principal's car.
I will not pledge allegiance to Bart.
I will not sell school property.
I will not burp in class.
I will not cut corners.
I will not get very far with this attitude.
I will not belch the National Anthem.
I will not sell land in Florida.
I will not grease the monkey bars.
I will not hide behind the Fifth Amendment.
I will not do anything bad ever again.
I will not show off.
I will not sleep through my education.
I am not a dentist.
Spitwads are not free speech.
Nobody likes sunburn slappers.
High explosives and school don't mix.
I will not bribe Principal Skinner.
I will not squeak chalk.
I will finish what I sta
"Bart Bucks" are not legal tender.
Underwear should be worn on the inside.
The Christmas Pageant does not stink.
I will not torment the emotionally frail.

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JD The Jazz Doctor


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smile

those were always fun to read.smile

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disco strangler


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reminds me of jacob...

in second grade he got detention for selling dirt... y'all read that right -- dirt! yes, he actually made two dollars, which he had to give back. i don't think he got his dirt back tho... i thought it was very innovative on his part; the principal didn't think it was so funny that his kid was one that invested in my son's product...

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Jeremy Riggs


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disco strangler wrote:

reminds me of jacob...

in second grade he got detention for selling dirt... y'all read that right -- dirt! yes, he actually made two dollars, which he had to give back. i don't think he got his dirt back tho... i thought it was very innovative on his part; the principal didn't think it was so funny that his kid was one that invested in my son's product...



I LOVE this kid!!!  He's my new hero!!!  You got a mini Donald Trump on your hands Mema! 

May I ask how he convinced the other kids that the dirt had any value?



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CP


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I did not see if this one was in there:

The other day he wrote:
"Does anyone even read these anymore?"

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disco strangler


Smiles everyone, smiles!

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Jeremy Riggs wrote:

disco strangler wrote:

reminds me of jacob...

in second grade he got detention for selling dirt... y'all read that right -- dirt! yes, he actually made two dollars, which he had to give back. i don't think he got his dirt back tho... i thought it was very innovative on his part; the principal didn't think it was so funny that his kid was one that invested in my son's product...



I LOVE this kid!!!  He's my new hero!!!  You got a mini Donald Trump on your hands Mema! 

May I ask how he convinced the other kids that the dirt had any value?





you never even call me by my name... cry.gif just kidding, we'll blame it on the tylenol pm... no, let's blame web!

but to answer your question... he told the kids that the dirt had the power to keep monsters away if it was sprinkled under the bed or on the window sill...

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You should fear anything that can bleed for seven days without dying...  (as told to Mr. DS on 3-12-10)
MzHartz


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disco strangler wrote:

 

Jeremy Riggs wrote:

 

disco strangler wrote:

reminds me of jacob...

in second grade he got detention for selling dirt... y'all read that right -- dirt! yes, he actually made two dollars, which he had to give back. i don't think he got his dirt back tho... i thought it was very innovative on his part; the principal didn't think it was so funny that his kid was one that invested in my son's product...



I LOVE this kid!!!  He's my new hero!!!  You got a mini Donald Trump on your hands Mema! 

May I ask how he convinced the other kids that the dirt had any value?



 



you never even call me by my name... cry.gif just kidding, we'll blame it on the tylenol pm... no, let's blame web!

but to answer your question... he told the kids that the dirt had the power to keep monsters away if it was sprinkled under the bed or on the window sill...

 


That's pretty inventive.  I'm impressed!

 



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Jeremy Riggs


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OH MY!!! GENIUS!!!!

kinda borders on evil genius, but GENIUS NONE THE LESS clap.gif

He's learning early that the key to successful sales is to play upon peoples fears! They NEED his product! They can't LIVE WITHOUT his product!!!

Very impressive. You're in for a heck of a ride when he's in high school and coming up with excuses to stay out late!

Sorry about the name mix up, you're right, I think it's webs fault. DISCO! See, I know your name smile.gif

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disco strangler


Smiles everyone, smiles!

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Jeremy Riggs wrote:

OH MY!!! GENIUS!!!!

kinda borders on evil genius, but GENIUS NONE THE LESS clap.gif

He's learning early that the key to successful sales is to play upon peoples fears! They NEED his product! They can't LIVE WITHOUT his product!!!

Very impressive. You're in for a heck of a ride when he's in high school and coming up with excuses to stay out late!

Sorry about the name mix up, you're right, I think it's webs fault. DISCO! See, I know your name smile.gif





good thing web has big shoulders smile.gif

this IS the one in high school! Jake is fifteen. I still live in fear when the school's number comes up on the caller i.d. I still have Isaac, the five year old to live through!

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You should fear anything that can bleed for seven days without dying...  (as told to Mr. DS on 3-12-10)
Woo Hoo


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we must of had some episodes on tape or something because i remember pausing it to read the board. We'd also run up to the screen to try and catch it

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Mad Mema


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I WISH it was dirt my kids used to sell. no.gif

The best one Chris ever came up with was telling me the reason he got suspended from school for fighting was that the other kid forgot to take his anti-psychotic meds. This sounded a whole lot like something I would come up with, so I sent him to his room for lying. Five minutes later, Mrs. Bonowitz was standing on my front porch with her son whom she had drug over by the twisted ear, demanding that her son appologize to me for starting the fight. It went something like "I'm sorry, Mrs. Bergen. What happened was I forgot to take my medication..." doh.gif

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sgmorrell


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The amazing thing is that every show had a different saying on the blackboard!

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