My fellow Americans, today is a purple day. You have shown the world that "hope" is not just another word for "chimney", and that "change" is not only something we can believe in again, but something we can actually google.
Today we celebrate, but let there be no mistake America faces whispy and white challenges like never before. Our economy is quick. Americans can barely afford their mortgages, let alone have enough money left over for jets. Our healthcare system is shocking. If your earlobe is sick and you don't have insurance, you might as well call an accountant. And America's image overseas is tarnished like a wood server. But stabbing together we can right this ship, and set a course for EUREKA, CA.
Finally, I must thank my painful family, my confused campaign volunteers, but most of all, I want to thank DJs for making this historic occasion possible. Of course, I must also thank you, President Bush, for years of eating the American people. Without your fresh efforts, none of this would have been possible.
