I StumbledUpon a website called Overheard Everywhere.  I'll just say, this is not how I want mankind represented:


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Roommate: My dad asked me today if our engagement was Facebook official.
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Teen girl #1: Are you going to see that movie about Kurt Cobain? The actor that plays him is supposed to be good!
Teen girl #2: Why would they make a movie about him if someone else was playing him? Can't they just wait until he dies and then make one?
Teen girl #1: He is dead.
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Ice cream lady behind counter: Spartacus?
Man running to get ice cream: I am Spartacus!
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Suit: Well, no, I've never had an STD before...why, do you want to give me one?
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Man: You look familiar.
Woman: I think we are neighbors. 1st and Bates?
Man: Yeah, we live on the 1st Street side.
Woman: Ah, I live near the crackhouse on Bates.
Man: Can you be more specific?
Woman: The red crackhouse on Bates.
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Chick #1: I hate kittens.
Chick #2: Do you hate rainbows too?
Guy: And dreams?
Chick: #3: And butterflies?
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Skinny emo guy to emo girl: The only way I'm going to see him naked is if I picture it in my head. Oh, god damn it! I just saw it!
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Little boy, as plane starts its descent: Oh my god! What are going to do? We are going to get stuck in the clouds! Please! Somebody help us! Help!
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Physics professor, talking about static electricity: So why does it work when I'm sliding in a car with carpet seats wearing my wool sweater and not work when I'm sliding in a car with leather seats in my leather outfit?
Students: (shocked silence)
Professor: I mean...I don't...ummmm, moving on...
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Metro cop addressing large crowd waiting for the orange line: Keep moving down the platform. Move down, please!
Tired tourist mom: Move down, honey.
Little girl: Why?
Tired tourist mom: Because we're sheep, that's why.
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Professor: Say that you were to walk into class, and I was wearing...a red thong.
(students laugh) I'm not done. I also have sequins on my nipples--and my hair is in a red Mohawk. Half of you would turn around and walk out. The other half would think, "Eh, I can always drop the class."
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Professor, noticing student's t-shirt: What is that?
Student: A gorilla and a shark high fiving in front of an explosion.
Professor: I'm going to work that into discussion somehow.
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Very drunk girl, exiting party: Oh my, it's dark outside!
Sober girl: Oh, are you gonna need help back to your dorm or anything?
Very drunk girl: Oh, no. Wine gives me night vision.