i wanted to share something from another board! 

This is your guaranteed laugh for the day!
Only a man would do this.....
Pocket Taser Stun Gun, A Great Gift For The Wife......
A guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Taser for their anniversary
submitted this:
Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that
sparked my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and
I was looking for a little something extra for my wife Julie.
What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized
taser. The effects of the taser were supposed to be short
lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant,
allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety....??
WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought

it home.
I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the

button. Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that

if I pushed the button AND pressed it against a metal surface

at the same time; I'd get the blue arc of electricity darting

back and forth between the prongs. AWESOME!!!

Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn

spot is on the face of her microwave.

Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself

that it couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-A

batteries, right?

There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently

(trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and

thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh &

blood moving target.

I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a

second) and thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat.

But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect

herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it

would work as advertised. Am I wrong?

So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my

reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose,

directions in one hand, and taser in another.

The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and

disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to

cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a

three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on

the ground like a fish out of water. Any burst longer than

three seconds would be wasting the batteries. All the while I'm

looking at this little device measuring about 5" long, less than

3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and (loaded with

two itsy, bitsy triple-A batteries) thinking to myself, 'no

possible way!'

What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my

best...? I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her

head ****ed to one side as to say, ' don't do it dip****,'

reasoning that a one second burst from such a tiny little ole

thing couldn't hurt all that bad. I decided to give myself a

one second burst just for heck of it. I touched the prongs to

my naked thigh, pushed the button, and . . . HOLY MOTHER OF
. . . WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION . . . WHAT THE ...!!!
I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door,
picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the
carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking
up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body
soaking wet, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest
position, and tingling in my legs?
The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before,
clinging to a picture frame hanging above the fireplace,
obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body
flopping all over the living room.
Note: If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a taser,
one note of caution: there is no such thing as a one second
burst when you zap yourself! You will not let go of that thing
until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing
about on the floor. A three second burst would be considered
conservative?
SON-OF-A-....., THAT HURT LIKE ...!!!
A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative
thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had
left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. My bent reading
glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. The recliner was
upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it originally
was. My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still
twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain,
and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. I had no control over the
drooling. Apparently I soiled myself, but was too numb to know
for sure and my sense of smell was gone.; I saw a faint smoke
cloud above my head which I believe came from my hair. I'm
still looking for my testicles and I'm offering a significant reward
for their safe return!!
P. S. My wife loved the gift, and now regularly threatens me
with it!