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Post Info TOPIC: Moral Dilemma... need some advice
Mad Mema


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Moral Dilemma... need some advice
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I have this friend who is trying to buy a house. Great idea, all except for the fact that he has decided to put his girlfriend of 7 months on the title. She is not going in the mortgage, mind you... and is not kicking in a dime to help with the purchase. They are not engaged or anything... but he is putting her on the title because he is "in love" with her.  He has no money saved up for this, so he actually borrowed everything he is putting into this from his parents and another friend just so he can try to get the mortgage.

I think that putting her on the title is a hideous idea, and I told him as much. Tried to talk him out of it.  These two claim they will never get married, and she has told me in so many words that she will probably dump him eventually because she likes to date really good looking guys and she can't stand to see dude in shorts, let alone nekkid.  I even threatened to e-mail his parents to tell them what his plan is before they wrote him a check... he begged me not to, claiming that they could not afford to make him the loan, which was a lie... he just didn't want me to tell them because he sure hasn't told them.

Since I was very vocal about my disapproval of this plan, I'm somewhat not in favor by this particular friend.

The closing date is today... this is of course assuming that he did get the mortgage secured, which as of earlier this week was still in question. Regardless he must be moved out of the house he is renting by Sunday.

Here's the dilemma: He sent an e-mail to the whole crew asking for help moving tomorrow. I happen to know that no one I work directly with is going to help, but they are all asking me if I am going to.  I honestly don't know.  Should I be the better person and put my personal feelings aside, ignore the fact that he has been a lying jerk, and help him out? What do you think?

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JD The Jazz Doctor


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hell no. the bonehead.

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Mad Mema


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Thus far, not a peep on Facebook as to whether he got through closing or not. I'd expect he would have his computer packed up, but he can make updates from his phone. Not sure what time closing was supposed to be scheduled for.

Not sure what the heck the plan is for if the mortgage didn't come through. Hope he and his kids aren't homeless right about now.

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That which does not kill me postpones the inevitable.
MzHartz


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Would he be appreciative of your help? If the situation were reversed, would he help you move? Would you be helping just him move, or the girlfriend too?

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confuzzed


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First, dumb guy.

Second, that is kind of tough. But if he is kind of mad at you and not really talking, do you really wanna help? I may have a tough time with that decision. He should have planned better before asking for help from friends anyway. I say no go.

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JD The Jazz Doctor


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ya I think it amounts to somebody asking you to help by giving them a big push when they want to jump off a cliff. confuse

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Mad Mema


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The girlfriend lives separately at this point, so I would guess it would just be helping him.

I do not know if he would help me or not. In the past, probably he would have. Hard to say now because I'm not down with the putting the girlfriend on the title plan, therefore he says he doesn't know if I'm really his friend or not... cuz we all know the true mark of friendship is always agreeing with and validating one's friend's decisions. hmm.gifno.gif

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That which does not kill me postpones the inevitable.
disco strangler


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I think it depends on how good a friend he is. If he's not a close friend, then I would feel like he's on his own, but If he's a good friend, I would help, just because I feel like that's what friends do for friends even if they don't see eye to eye on everything, and he already knows that you think he's being foolish...  I would just remind him that my helping him doesn't change how I feel about his girlfriend...

-- Edited by disco strangler on Friday 30th of October 2009 02:37:37 PM

-- Edited by disco strangler on Friday 30th of October 2009 02:37:59 PM

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Mad Mema


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confuzzed wrote:

First, dumb guy.

Second, that is kind of tough. But if he is kind of mad at you and not really talking, do you really wanna help? I may have a tough time with that decision. He should have planned better before asking for help from friends anyway. I say no go.


He should have bothered to save a bit of money for this AND bothered to plan the actual move better. He was in a hurry to take advantage of the first time homebuyer's tax credit.  (I won't even go into the hypocrisy involved there given that he claims to be a hard core Republican / fiscal conservative.) 

Basically since he started dating this woman, he has spent every spare dollar buying new clothes, a 2005 Mustang GT, and partying because he thinks that this will keep her interested in him. It has worked so far. Since the new wore off the car, he had to ratchet up the action again with the house.


 



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MzHartz


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I'm with DS.

By sending you the email, was he just trying to get anyone that would to help, or is it a sincere request? Would he ask you face to face to help him move? If not, I'd say no go.

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Mad Mema


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The e-mail went to the whole department. It was "Hey, I'm going to be on vacation until the 4th because I'm moving. By the way, I could use some help on Saturday. I'll provide beer and chili, and a future favor for anyone who will help." I'm sure he believes that several people will gladly show up because he is "Mr. Popularity"... I'm equally sure he will be harshly disappointed in the turn out. It is Halloween, most folks have kids or other plans... and he severely overestimates his level of popular support.

We are supposed to be fairly close friends. He did not directly ask me or the other guys on our team because he knows how we all feel about this idea and figures it would be a harsh rebuff. I'm the only one who came right out and called him a dumbf#ck, but the other guys didn't exactly come to his defense. He sure didn't approach any of us for that loan to get past closing.

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Mad Mema


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Just saw the FB update. Apparently the sale went through. Decisions, decisions...

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ghostdancer


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I'm with everyone else.  If he's a close friend, then yeah, I'd help him move even if he is making a huge mistake by adding his girlfriend on to the deed of a house. 

By the way, how the heck is he getting a mortgage without her name going on the mortgage if she's being added to the deed?? confuse We bought our house before we were married, and in order for my name to appear on the deed I had to go on the mortgage papers too otherwise they wouldn't add me on the deed, which would have put the house in his name only.  Then after we were married, we had to take the marriage license to the bank and pay extra money to have the papers reflect my name change, and also show that he was no longer a single man and I was no longer a single woman.  This had to be done to keep everything legal in case of death or a divorce.

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Mad Mema


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Around here you can put any name on the title you want. I don't know why that is, but it is true. He is just agreeing to the ownership aspect, but taking all the liability on himself.

Since I was up and out that way, I did decide to stop by and help with one load. Really, I still might have given it a pass though I was in the area, but my friend Gerald called while I was driving over. He actually called to hassle me thinking I must have had "a long night last night" because he saw my truck on the highway. I said no, that I took Marissa to work then was heading over to Lee's to help him move. Gerald didn't know Lee was moving, so I briefed him on the story. Since he didn't know, he hadn't planned on helping but said he would show up for a load or two if I was going to go... more or less as moral support for me. So we both ended up helping for one load. Bonus round was Gerald was out in his pickup truck so we got a lot moved between three trucks and a trailer.

Interestingly enough, I ended up having a lengthy conversation with Lee's oldest son after I left from helping. He started texting me about the whole mess. He's not a fan of the girlfriend either. What a shame. I hope it all works out well. Doubt it, but them's the breaks.

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confuzzed


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It is too bad that he is may learn a very valuable lesson the hard way.

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