I keep waiting for the right time to let the cat out of the bag, but no time ever seems right.Therefore, it might as well be now, but I will keep out the "gory" details since this is a public forum and I'm not comfortable with constructive criticism of non-forum members.Then there's the question of "why let the cat out at all?"I guess because soon, my emotions of grief, disappointment and resentment will change to joy, realization and peace; and I know I will want to share those feelings with my friends.No skipping chapters...
Ok, so here goes, from the beginning... A couple years ago this New Year, Maranda (my golden child), took the fall on a misdemeanor possession charge for her then (loser) boyfriend.She failed to go to court, by reason that she wanted to graduate first (??), so there was a bench warrant out for her.A year ago, this Veteran's Day, she was involved in a car accident for which (leaving out the gory details) it was discovered she had a bench warrant, and was newly charged with leaving the scene, cultivation , and felony possession (same loser boyfriend was also charged with later two and leaving out the gory details).We bailed her out three days later (on her birthday), and hired a lawyer to the tune of $9500 for both counties, but he did well by her.By February, the misdemeanor will be expunged and by October 2014 (hopefully), the felonies.So, far this has cost Mr. DS and I to the tune of almost $18K and counting up...
No, the saga doesn't end there; there is more...
I've recently mentioned that she has had to move back home.The reason being that (opening up the bag... here comes the cat), I'm going to be a grandma.I have so many mixed emotions about this that it's beginning to affect my internal balance --my mental, emotional and physical health.Friends who know me on a daily basis, are always so amazed at how well I handle things, but everyone has their breaking point -- We all can be a master of deception (Smiles Everyone!Smiles!).
Getting back to the baby thing...So, the reason she's had to move back home (leaving out gory details) is that the baby daddy (different loser boyfriend -- now former boyfriend), was emotionally abusive which about a month + ago escalated into physical abuse.She has no car because of the accident a year ago (not to mention probation fees and court fees), and was only getting enough hours to pay bills.Since she moved her, though, she transferred and was awarded full time hours.So first thing is to save enough to get a decent used car.
Life may not always turn out the way that we expect, but it is constantly moving us forward.All that we can do is move forward...
So, now here we are... in this chapter, I'm going to be a grandma...
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You should fear anything that can bleed for seven days without dying... (as told to Mr. DS on 3-12-10)
However, I suppose some congrats are in order for becoming a Grandma. While the circumstances leading to it are far from perfect, moving forward (as you put it) your grandchild will be a source of pride and joy.
They always say God doesn't give us more than we can handle, but it seems like often times he really tests those limits. :/
I don't know much more about your situation that what you've laid out here in this post, but it seems like Maranda needs to start surrounding herself with a better class of people. Not only for her sake but for the sake of those she cares about too.
Sorry to hear about the turmoil your daughter's decisions are causing your family. You and Mr. DS are to be commended for staying in your daughter's corner. Its times like these that define a family... being there through the good times and the bad.
Congratulations on being a grandma. New life always brings hope and this baby should be a blessing for many reasons. I commend your daughter for choosing life. Many girls in that situation may not have. Now that she is going to be a mom, the emphasis is going to be on her daughter...nothing makes someone grow up quicker than having kids of their own.
Your daughter and grandchild are lucky to have your love and influence in their lives. Now more than ever. I will keep you and your family in my prayers. One day, when your grand child accomplishes something to make you and your family proud...you can say, "It wasn't easy, but it was worth it." God does in fact work in mysterious ways.
I'm sorry to hear of the difficulties with Maranda. I'm all to familiar with having kids who made their lives much, much harder than they needed to. I feel for what you must have gone through with all of that. The strain is not easy in the least.
With that said I know it is probably heartbreaking to some degree, but congrats on being a grandma. (There's another one with which I am all too familiar!) It may not seem like it now, but it will some day be a sunny, happy thing. The best part of grandbabies is loving them up, having all the fun... then handing them over when they have the yucky diapers or are cranky. I hope you get to enjoy that part. Nobody else will admit it, but there is also a certain evil pleasure one derives from watching your kids go through with their kids what you went through with them. It cracks me up every time I hear my boys channeling me when they deal with their kids.
Best wishes to you. Stay strong. We are here for you.
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MM
That which does not kill me postpones the inevitable.
DS, I can't offer any more advice or sage words, but I do want to extend my congrats and offer my own personal experience.
Although never in trouble with the law, my mom didn't finish high school. She was too busy having and raising me. We stayed with my maternal grandparents until my mom and dad got married, then moved in with my other set of grandparents until they saved enough money to get an apartment of their own.
I got lucky, my dad is a wonderful guy and totally not a loser. But my parents married way too young. Some of my earliest memories are of my parents fighting. My mom divorced my dad when I was 5. I can remember my dad moving out and I not understanding what was going on.
After my dad left, my mom dated some royal losers. Most of them had drug and/or anger problems. I remember one time when her boyfriend was supposed to be watching me, he took me with him to his friend's trailer, where they passed around this pair of scissors. Again, I didn't know what was going on. (If I've lost you, I've since figured out, they were passing around a joint, smoking it in front of, in the same room with a 5 year old.)
My mom tried and did the best she could. But through all of this, I credit my grandparents for helping me grow up "normal." When I got sick and my mom couldn't afford to take me to the doctor, my grandparents took me. I stayed the weekend at a grandparents' house at least once a month. Because of my grandparents, I learned the importance of family and love.
You're going to be a good grandma, DS, and your daughter and grandchild will be eternally grateful for all you've done for them.
While I know the circumstances behind becoming a grandma wouldn't be your first choice, I also have no doubt that you will be an awesome grandma. This baby is fortunate to have the extended support and love that you will be able to provide him or her.
New life always brings hope and this baby should be a blessing for many reasons. I commend your daughter for choosing life. Many girls in that situation may not have. Now that she is going to be a mom, the emphasis is going to be on her daughter...nothing makes someone grow up quicker than having kids of their own. 
