I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with  great pleasure.
Clarence Darrow

He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary.
William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)

Ive had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasnt it.
Groucho Marx

I didnt attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
Mark Twain

He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.
Oscar Wilde

I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play, bring a friend if you have one.
George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill

Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second.. if there is one.
Winston Churchill to Shaw, in response

I feel so miserable without you, its almost like having you here.
Stephen Bishop

He is a self-made man and worships his creator.
John Bright

Ive just learned about his illness. Lets hope its nothing trivial
Irvin S. Cobb

He is not only dull himself, he is the cause of dullness in others.
Samuel Johnson

He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up.
Paul Keating

He had delusions of adequacy.
Walter Kerr

Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?
Mark Twain

His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.
Mae West

Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
Oscar Wilde