JR, I'm so sorry about the comment I made the other day about you not being able to make up your mind. I was only teasing, and never meant to hurt you in any way. I never thought you would take it to heart. I'm sorry my friend. I never should have said what I did.
I was going to explain that since my father was diagnosed with cancer the effects on me have been greater than I ever expected. Not only in having lost him, but in the new awareness it gave me of how fragile everything is.
Since then I really do have trouble making decisions. In the immediate aftermath I made some HORRIBLE decisions that I'll regret for the rest of my life. Now I over-think everything and waver back and forth when trying to make decisions of even moderate importance.
When I started my business in 1996 I had such internal strength. If I made my mind up to do something I just did it, I didn't agonize over every possible outcome like I do now.
That's what I was talking about when I said I respected MzHartz's ability to "DO" things, not just talk about doing things. I was very much that way and hope to get back to being that way.
Wow, no wonder you couldn't get all that out without getting choked up.
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"Tell me, does it move you, Does it soothe you, Does it fill your heart and soul with the roots of rock & roll? When you can't get through it you can listen to it with a 'na na na na', Well I've been there before" -"Been There Before" by Hanson
I was that way after I lost my mom. Couldn't function, couldn't make a decision if my life would have depended on it. Sometimes I still struggle when making big decisions. I over-think them sometimes. Or I do some wishful thinking, even when I know the outcome isn't going to change.
And like you, I admire Mz for doing things, taking a chance on herself. I used to be like that before I was married and had kids. Some day in the near future I hope to be like that again.
You guys are worrying me. I hope I'm not at my peak of go-get-em-ness. I didn't even realize I was that way. I figured it was just a part of my hedonism.
Nah, nothing to worry about Hartz. Just try to hang onto that spirit.
In my case, I never really had anyone in my HUGE family get sick or meet a tragic end. My two grandfathers died, but one I was too young to really understand it and the other was nearly 90 and that's to be expected.
My Dad was in my mind still young and his getting cancer just burst some kind of protective bubble I was living in. All of a sudden I see all the negatives of possible choices instead of seeing the positives.
I used to be the exact opposite.
I'm trying to dive in head first to this App Development stuff. I'd like to at least make it a side job that could bring in a little extra cash every month.
Friday the iMac I ordered arrives. I got it on an interest free loan, so it BETTER help me make some money. (In the meantime I'm planning on selling several fairly valuable items to hopefully pay it off fast).
Mz, I don't think you have anything to worry about. I know that I'm the one that changed, I'm the one that stopped doing things that I loved doing. I put other things ahead of myself in an effort to please someone else when all it did was make me unhappy.
