Guess what- I need another prayer! - Freeze-Frame Radio

Date: Wed Sep 7 10:52 2005

Guess what- I need another prayer!

thumperglh · Thumptastic: Chef of the Stars

My prayers are with you Ruby. finding drugs in your kids room is not a good thing. Unfortunately we all come from a different generation. I think your son did it to try and either fit in or look cool as that seems to be the thing that most kids do these days for that reason. Its not hard to say no but unfortunately it can cause alot of issues. Things can only get better and hopefully it is a phase he will grow out of. I guess the only good thing i could say about it is at least he is doing it at home I am guessing that doing it at a friends house and trying to drive home ( I cant remember if he drives or not )

Keep your chin up. The only ones who judge are the ones who need to judge themselves

JD The Jazz Doctor · Grand Poobah

you'll be in my prayers.

My worry is that I have seen how drugs have cramped so many people's maturity and their ability to become fully human and really be alive. You will definately be in my prayers.

CP · Lord of the Lair

Ruby: count on it. Do whatever you have to do to get inbetween your son and drugs. I have been known to participate in the Jack--but never did drugs--I saw what they did to some of my friends in the 80's.

for the porn magazines--porn can be addictive, but I don't know a teenage boy that wasn't curious--and by all means I do not excuse the behavior, nor do I diminish your concern or its impact. Keep him talking and I will keep praying.

Date: Wed Sep 7 11:06 2005

Thanks Thump. No he does not drive. He is only 13!!!

I appreciate the support and any advice. We are enrolling him in the afterschool program at school, so he will not be alone for awhile.

thumperglh · Thumptastic: Chef of the Stars

lol. Then that takes care of him driving and doing dammage. However if he was walking then it could still impair his vision and thinking.

Date: Wed Sep 7 11:12 2005

If my husband does not impair his vision and walking ability first!

Star · Super Star of Spice!!

Ruby-
Thanks for trusting us enough to share this. I agree w/ Cp on the mags. All boys do it. My brothers did it. My dad actually sees nothing wrong w/ his subscription to Playboy but let's not touch that one.

But I must point out this part - were you searching through his stuff? That's a good way to lose trust w/ your children. My parents never did that and I'm glad because my friends parents would do that and I couldn't understand why. I just thought it was like she had no privacy. Keep that in mind and I will pray for you and you son.

Date: Wed Sep 7 11:36 2005

Star- no real snooping. That is what kills me, he is not even trying to hide it. The mags were at the head of his bed in between the wall and his headboard. In plain sight. The pot was under his sink in his bathroom. I went up there to get his dirty clothes and he had a mess and I was putting something away and opened the cabinet and there it was.

However, privacy or not, I do not care. I do not care about being the nosy parent. I have the right to shoop, you might understand me if you ever have kids. Once I am not legally responsible for his actions, then he will have his privacy. It is times like this that make me want to go in his room and tear it up!

I forgot to mention that both were easily accessible to little E!

-- Edited by Ruby at 12:36, 2005-09-07

1maple · Chairman Of The Board

Ruby, thank you for sharing.
We knew something was wrong but needed to wait until you were ready.
You have been and will continue to be in my prayers.
Intervene with love and understanding but intervene.
Don't let the communications break down and be sure your son knows what your values and expectations of him are.
Both things could be just experimentation as he says, just stay with it to be sure it goes no further.
May God Bless and keep you strong.

CP · Lord of the Lair

Ruby: I truly hope you understand the meaning in what I am about to say. It may be a good thing that everything was found so easily. If he made a more concerted effort to hide it, that may suggest a larger problem. However, he left everything in a place that he subconsiously knew it would be found. Barring the circumstances be glad that he is so overtly begging for your help and attention. Does not make it easier I know--

WebGuy · Doesn't Do Windows

Wow Ruby . . . that's tough.

I agree with you that you have every right to search him and/or his room if you need to. You two are responsible for him. You can't be responsible with a "hands off" approach. You are doing him a favor by helping him avoid hurting himself. He will not see it that way for a long time, but one day he will wake up and understand.

It's a good thing that you found out these things before they got any further.
My prayers are with you too.

Date: Wed Sep 7 12:15 2005

No CP, I agree. My son has never gotten away with anything. At least I do not think he has. I know him better than he knows himself most days. He says he is not trying to hide anything from us! That is what is scary. I asked him if he thought I would be ok with what I found, but he just says he was not trying to hide it. I wish I knew what made him do this. Trust me, he does not need attention. We are a very close family. He is quite spoiled and given many opportunities. I am just at a loss. I want answers and he does not have any. WHY???? That is what I want to know. We had thought about putting him in counseling, but he has been before. He knows the difference between right and wrong, he is in church and youth group and boy scouts, but he keeps making the wrong choices.

This brings me full circle in my nature vs. nurture argument. He is so much like his dad, but yet he has never met him and has the complete opposite life of his dad. I am starting to doubt everything that I know!

MzHartz · Permanent Vacation

Your son is in my thoughts, Ruby.

When I was getting to that age, my parents told me something that I will never forget: "If you drink, don't drive, but you still have to be home by curfew; and if you're taken to jail for underage drinking, we're not bailing you out, you'll have to stay the night. If you smoke, you're wasting money and destroying your health, but just don't smoke in the house. You're too smart to do drugs, but if you do, don't bring them in the house." It may not seems like much, but there were a lot of unspoken messages in that statement: That they care for me and hope I don't do these things, but they trust me to be responsible and make my own decisions. And that I was responsible for my own actions, whether or not I was under their roof, I would still have to face what these things would bring, apart from any punishment they may inflict. And I was faced with all of these. I smoked a couple times, to try it like teenagers do, but I never started smoking or bought a pack of cigarettes. I went to parties where there was alcohol, but I never drank. I had friends who did drugs, but I never even tried it. (I take that back, I tried absinthe once, but I was over 21 at the time.) And all of these times where I resisted temptation, I didn't do it because I was afraid of any punishment my parents may inflict, but the legal, monetary and health consquences, and that my parents may be disappointed in me.

So basically, what that long rant was about, is teaching him why he shouldn't do these things, not telling him not to do them. Consider taking him to a rehab support group so he can learn first hand from people who have been there.

And porn is a fact of life, I think every boy has been there. The key is teaching him to respect women. And let him know that he won't get any girlfriends if they find out he has porn. And that he'll go blind.

Okay, stepping down from my soapbox now...

CP · Lord of the Lair

MZ-you are right--porn has become a fact of life--although I personally think it is poison. Call me a prude. Once I became a parent my whole outlook changed. I am ashamed and embarrassed at some of the things I did in my younger years.

Ruby--you probably already do this--and so far this is working for me--every night I go into both daughters rooms, kiss their cheeks and whisper in their ear--'always remember that your daddy loves you' I only mention this becasue I am a fearful parent with a daughter just about to turn 13--next week.

I have begged my older daughter to never be afraid of me and to know that she can come to me for any problem. I just pray for the same wisdom that you have and that I hope to have when my time comes.

Please know that you and your family remain in my thoughts and prayers.