Ruby--I think that is great.  But we men can never win.  Even when we win we still lose.

My husband is so sweet, he picks me flowers or buys me a rose and leaves it in a vase of water on the kitchen table for me to find when I come home. As much as I love that, I'd love to have flowers or something delivered to work at least once. But, I can't ask for it, because that would defeat the purpose. Men just don't understand the difference, the element of surprise, having that reminder of your hubby sitting on your desk all day, everyone else being jealous because they didn't get flowers... It's very uplifting and makes the day fly by just to have that reminder that you're loved.

As a rule, we get each other presents for birthdays and Christmas, but not for Valentine's Day or our anniversary. Those days aren't about presents, they're about spending time together. But there were these dragon pint glasses that he had wanted forever, and I had a little extra money, so last year I got him those for Valentine's day. He was totally surprised, I loved it! So you might think of something like that he's been wanting. And when in doubt, I buy my husband a huge pack of Reese's cups, that makes him happy!

I've been thinking about CP's comment, and how I many times feel the same way. Do we all have these types of relationship issues? Why does it have to be so hard? lol

Mz, I understand what you are saying about not wanting to tell your husband exactly what you want with the flowers being delivered. But, on the other hand, if he thinks he's making you happy with the simple flower on the table, why would he want to take a chance on messing that up by doing it differently?

I'm not being judgemental in any way . . . I'm just thinking like a guy (I hapen to have a working knowledge of such).

Myself, I don't do flowers as much as I should, but when I do, I have them delivered to her at work. I know she likes that, but many times I have thought about getting them and bringing them home instead. I've wondered if she thinks that I sent the flowers to work just to show all her co-workers what a "super husband" I am. Maybe if I just took them home, it would prove that the only reason I got her flowers just because I know she likes them. She seems to be happy when I have them delivered, so that's the way I always do it.

Us men are SIMPLE CREATURES . . . tell us what will make you the most happy.

For us guys, I think it comes down to two choices:
1. Tell us what makes you happy and what you want. We will probably enjoy doing whatever it is because we know it's going make you happy.
2. Be disappointed because we will probably never figure it out on our own . . . or even know that what we are doing, or how we are doing it is not enough or could be done better.

That's right Web.  May I add a number 3?

3.  All men are forgetful--so do not be disaapointed when we fail.

Web, we're going to be happy to receive flowers at all. So it's fine to mix it up. First, if she didn't like you sending them to work, she'd probably tell you. And we like it when we can prove we have super husbands. But the next time you get her flowers, bring them home and put on the card that you wanted to get her flowers just because you knew she'd like them. In fact, grab some on your way home today, she'll be delighted! Personally, as long as you don't get her something she's deathly allergic to, she'll love them no matter how they're presented. If you don't know what she prefers, keep changing it, she'll love the surprise.

You've asked me that before. I don't know about writing a book, but I could do a radio talk show or DearMolly advice column...

Ah Ha! Lightbulb moment for the WebGuy

I'm gonna go out on a limb here and see if I'm possibly "geting it".

Could it be then that the "surprise" is the real issue and what makes you happy . . . and that the flowers are just the vehicle used to get there?

Huh? Did I get it? Maybe?
(oh please, oh please, I hope I'm right)

Woo Hoo!

I'm not really sure how I figured that out . . . maybe it was the three hour movie about the court case I watched on Lifetime last weekend.

But you just made my point for me . . . all this talk about the flowers when that is really not the issue. Us guys are SIMPLE CREATURES. If you talk about flowers, we're gonna think we're talking about flowers.

For example . . . Let's say I give my wife flowers and she says
"Thank you for the flowers! They are so pretty and smell so good, and everyone here here at the bank loves them".
Since I'm a SIMPLE CREATURE, I'm gonna think . . . "hmmm, she likes flowers!".

Now, Let's say I give my wife flowers and she says:
"Thank you for the flowers! It makes me feel really good when you surprise me like that".
Now, I'm gonna think "hmmm she likes surprises!".

Sometimes we just need help seeing the real issue when it's hidden amongst all that foliage.

So, you're saying there is no simple solution?

As instructed, I have ordered a small bouquet of flowers that I will pick up on the way home.

Thanks for joining the forum Molly . . . after only a few posts, I feel like I know you so well already!

That's different Ruby . . . if you have been very clear about what you would like and need, then he is a fool for not responding to that.

My questions and expressions were not really directed at you, Mz, or Molly . . . it just got me thinking about how we relate as men/women and how different we are in the way we think about things.

Awfully deep stuff for a Friday!

Well Web, if you get lucky tonight you can thank me & Molly!

And also . . . I was not thinking about you when I mentioned I understand what CP was talking about. I was thinking of a few recent instances in my own life.