FIRST TESTIMONY:

I walked into a hair salon with my husband and
three kids in tow and asked loudly, "How much do you
charge for a
shampoo and a blow job?" I turned around and walked
back out
and never went back. My husband didn't say a word...he
knew
better.

SECOND TESTIMONY:

I was at the golf store comparing different kinds
of golf balls. I was unhappy with the women's type I
had
been using. After browsing for several minutes, I was
approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who
works at the store.
He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I
looked at
him and said, "I think I like playing with men's
balls."

THIRD TESTIMONY:

My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a
store that sold a variety of candy and nuts. As we
were
looking at the display case, the boy behind the
counter asked if
we needed any help. I replied, "No, I'm just looking
at your
nuts." My sister started to laugh hysterically, The
boy grinned, and
I turned beet-red and walked away. To this day, my
Sister
has never let me forget.

FOURTH TESTIMONY:

While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler
decided to release some pent-up energy and ran amok. I
was
finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks
of
disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I told her
that if
she did not start behaving "right now" she would be
punished.
To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a
voice just as
threatening, "If you don't let me go right now, I will
tell
Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last
night! " The silence was deafening after this
enlightening
exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were
doing. I mustered
up! the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank
with my
daughter in tow.The last thing I heard when the door
closed
behind me, were screams of laughter.

FIFTH TESTIMONY:

Have you ever asked your child a question too many
times? My three-year-old son had a lot of problems
with potty
training and I was on him constantly.One day we
stopped at Taco
Bell for a quick lunch in between errands. It was very
busy,
with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco, I
smelled
something funny, so of course I checked my
seven-month-old daughter,
and she was clean. Then I realized that Danny had not
asked to
go potty in a while, so I asked him if he needed to
go, and he
said "No". I kept thinking, "Oh Lord, that child has
had an
accident, and I don't have any clothes with me." Then
I said,
"Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?"
"No," he
replied. I just KNEW that he must have had an
accident, because the
smell was getting worse. Soooooo, I asked one more
time,
"Danny, did you have an accident?" This time he jumped
up,yanked
down his pants, bent over and spread his cheeks and
yelled, "SEE
MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!" While 30 people nearly choked
to death on
their tacos laughing, he calmly pulled up his pants
and sat
down. An old couple made me feel better by thanking me
for the
best laugh they'd ever had!

LAST TESTIMONY:

This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for
2 days and a very embarrassed female news anchor who
will,
in the future, likely think before she speaks. What
happens when you predict snow but don't get any....a
true story...
We had a female news anchor who, the day after it was
supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the
weatherman and
asked: "So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me
last
night?" Not only did HE have to leave the set, but
half the crew did
too they were laughing! so hard!