I figured since there will be so few of us checking in, that maybe a thread for the whole week would be better than a thread for the day.
I'm in the office this week. Was here yesterday too, but busy working on our company website. This is like catch up week. With so little going on, it's a good time to work on those projects I've been putting off. Speaking of, I'm caught up on billing!
Brian also gave me a cold for Christmas. I felt pretty bad by time I got home yesterday, and it was hard to get out of bed this morning, but I think I'm getting better.
I'm off all week, but just like last year, it looks like the second half of my vacation is gonna be spent with a nasty cold.
I've got a horribly scratchy throat this morning that started last night. A few minutes ago I walked over to the store to get some Zicam, hopefully I can keep this thing from grabbing ahold of me.
Last year I was sick the last five days of vacation and healed just in time to go back to work. Hopefully I can salvage the weekend this time.
So are you pretty much alone MZ? Or is it a normal work week for the office, just less business to deal with?
Aw man JR, hope I didn't give you my cold! This is actually a weird cold though, there was none of that build up to it, no time for Zicam. On our drive to visit the family, Brian was fine and feeling good when we left home, and when we stopped halfway through. Then all of a sudden, when we were about an hour away, he was instantly congested. I figured it was allergies, but then it didn't go away. I'm dealing with the exact same thing. Hopefully you can fend yours off and still salvage your vacation.
It's pretty normal around here. We're all a little lax, taking longer lunch breaks, coming in later, not staying as late, that sort of thing.
That's cool. A nice, casual week at work is always a nice break from the norm.
I think the Zicam works, but it's one of those things that how do you ever really know? Would my cold have lasted a day or two longer without it? I've seen reports that say it actually should work, but I've seen other reports that say it's hogwash. I know one bottle never seems to be enough to get me all the way through the cold, and at $11 a bottle it's a bit pricey.
Still, I think there's a psychological advantage to feeling like you're doing something to fight it off. Speaking of which, I forgot to get orange juice. Maybe my good buddy Scooter would run and get me a carton.
I need to pick up some orange juice too. We're drinking the heck out of echinacea tea, which is marketed as preventing colds, but I've read articles that say it actually helps more to fight off a cold faster when you get it. But again, like you said, how do you know? I figure with tea and orange juice, it's still good for you and soothing, even if it's not directly helping the cold.
But don't send Web to get it. Remember the pizza? He'll get lost and end up in Seattle.
I'm not on vacation Been super-duper busy in the office. Found out yesterday that THE MAN told one of our customers we'd (we as in me), would have him a bill TODAY! WTH was he thinking? We just finished last week and there are still costs out
I taught Dolly how to say "super-duper"
Hope everyone is having a SUPER-DUPER last week of 2011!
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You should fear anything that can bleed for seven days without dying... (as told to Mr. DS on 3-12-10)
I felt the meeting went well and was helpful. I picked the right lawyer to talk to. I got the legal info I needed plus a lot more. This lawyer went through the exact situation I'm in now. He explained the unconventional approach he used and it makes sense to me. He talked to me for an hour and-a-half and didn't charge me. I at least now have a plan that involves an attitude change on my part and I will try some counseling for myself then decide where to go from there.
My dad used to tell me that during my times of trials and tribulations, to let me know that although he couldn't fight the fight for me, he would be there to comfort me and help me up when I got knocked down. We're here for you when you need us.
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You should fear anything that can bleed for seven days without dying... (as told to Mr. DS on 3-12-10)
A couple of you know what's going on, but I'm done covering up. I'm not going to make this a continuing drama, but here's the scoop:
My wife has been in an emotional affair with an old high school friend for about two years now. We went to school with this guy and his family moved him away our senior year in high school. I knew him, but not well. He was a very good friend of my wife's especially during the earlier high school years. She had mentioned a few times throughout our marriage that she always wondered where they went and how she didn't even get to say goodbye to him.
This guy resurfaced into my wife's email through classmates.com about two years ago. In the beginning it was innocent and normal, an occasional email, catching up, etc. The emails moved to nearly daily phone calls. I didn't even know this until I happened to look at the details in the cell phone bills. When I would question this constant connection, it was always explained away as "just friends" and some story of a reason they needed to talk about something innocent. She would never, and still has not to this day talked to him on the phone within hearing range of me.
The first of two times I resorted to snooping on her, I looked in her FaceBook and found her talking to his brother expressing her true feelings. In the following confrontation, she admitted she has deep feelings for the guy and this could probably be considered an emotional affair, BUT he really is a good friend. She seems to honestly believe that because they really are good friends, that makes continuing the emotional connection ok. I think she believes that she can keep it separate and control her feelings, herself, and him, and thus keep her marriage as well.
We've been up and down through this. About the time I start to think she's backed off from him a little, something new kicks me in the gut again. The most recent was last week when I snooped her the 2nd time and found a lovey-dovey text message from him she had saved. Her only reaction to confrontation was anger at me for looking at her phone, still no hint of realizing that a married woman shouldn't be engaged in such texting activity.
So, here we are at this stalemate. This is eating me up from the inside out, and I can't be ok with it. She says she will never lose her "friend" again, not even for me. She says she is not leaving, has no plans to go to him, but also won't give him up. She now won't talk to me about it. She just takes my anger when I let it show. When I'm able to control my emotions, she just says she's doing nothing wrong and it's just something I need to get over.
There is a lot more to the story of things that have happened, but that's the gist of it. When this started, the other guy was married. I recently found out his wife left him in June so he's single again. That was his 3rd wife. I think he'll be on the prowl for #4 soon and he's already got a hold on my wife's heart. This has increased my anxiety about it even more.
He did live in Southern Colorado. Reading between the lines, I think he's in North Dakota now after the split with his wife. Thankfully, the distance has made it so I have yet no concern of this being physical.
With him being single now, I can't continue with stuffing it away. My church advice says I just gotta trust God will work it out, and continue to be the best husband I can. I do believe that, but in the mean time, I'm consumed by this daily.
Most advice outside of the church says to file for divorce and that will force her to either end it to save the marriage, or to go to him which means she's not really in the marriage anyway.
Knowing my wife, I have a feeling she will consider a divorce filing as an act of war and the "out" she may be waiting for. If we're going to split, I'd really prefer that she be the one that has to initiate the formal destruction of our family. I don't want to live the rest of my life wondering if I coulda, woulda, shoulda done more or tried harder.
I went to talk to the lawyer just to get an idea what a divorce would look like for our financial situation, assets, business ownership, etc. This lawyer has gone through a very similar situation and he told me what he did . . . and he's still married with their relationship stronger than it was before.
His approach was to basically just let her go. He quit fighting, quit gathering evidence, just backed off and was a friend when she needed a friend. The only way he could deal with that was with the help of a counselor and working on himself to really understand that his wife's decisions were not his fault, nor his control.
I can't keep stuffing with the occasional blow up, and I'm not convinced filing for divorce is the right approach, so I'm going to see if I can take this "middle ground" "backing off" thing and see what happens. There will be plenty of time to file if it comes down to that.
So, that's what has been eating at me for the last couple years. I am done protecting her from people knowing her true actions. I went through a long period of humiliation that my wife would be interested in another man, but I've learned that this is an addiction and a fantasy and is not really about me.
I am so happy that you found the right lawyer who was able to help you, in ways that you weren't expecting it sounds like. He sounds like a smart man. Good luck, we're here for you.
No, I wasn't expecting that much from him. I went to him because outside of his office I heard him once say that whenever he deals with a divorce case, he works hard to first try to get the couple to reconcile before proceeding. Plus, he talked to me for about an hour and-a-half and didn't charge me for the time.
I don't expect anyone to have the answers or know what is best to do, or even what to say to someone going through this kind of stuff. I wouldn't know what to say to anyone else in the same situation.
At church, I've only talked to my pastor and the worship leader. I can see it in both of their faces that they want to help, they feel my pain, but just don't know what to do. The worship leader offered to go with me to counseling, but I want, and need to do this on my own. I'd prefer my wife went with me, but she won't have anything to do with it as I'm the only one with a problem.
Web, it is admirable that you are willing to go to counseling; and willing to start alone if need be. Perhaps in time, she will also change her mind and go with you. It sounds like the attorney you visited with has some worthwhile advice.
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You should fear anything that can bleed for seven days without dying... (as told to Mr. DS on 3-12-10)
Wow, Web. That is a hard situation. And no, nobody can really tell you what is "best" or "right". Those decisions are the ones you have to make for yourself. No matter what you do, it is difficult and painful. I sincerely wish you the best in your efforts to deal with this. Having (more or less) been there and done that, I truly do feel for your situation.
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MM
That which does not kill me postpones the inevitable.
I was thinking about you as I posted that. I now don't know how you kept from killing your husband when he was throwing it in your face like he was. Then to let him come back to have a place to live . . . I don't think I could have been that strong.
Keeping from killing him is an effort to this day. Mostly I don't because he is not worth going to prison over. I just go on living my own life and making my own happiness. I think that is probably a worse punishment for him anyway. The eternal torment of knowing that I'm happier without him around, which he is acutely aware of and makes frequent comment about. Thanks to his years of hard living his health is deteriorating, so killing him would be redundant anyway. Fundamentally speaking, he killed himself years ago but just hasn't given up the ghost yet.
The only reason he lives in my house now is because I don't want him landing up on my kids. Neither of them are in a position to have that happen, but they wouldn't turn him away either. He says that would never happen, but it is not as if he could manage to support himself. I would suppose that assuming he has any pride, that right there has to hurt pretty badly.
My situation has its obvious differences from yours. I truly hope yours never takes the turns that mine did. I pray that this all turns around for you and that it does not change you as a person. I'm definitely not the same person that I was. In some ways that is a good thing, but in some ways it is not. At least for me, I got a very good picture of who my true friends are and who really loves me. That is a great thing. As for the not so great things I've learned about me... I understand it and accept me for who I am. No regrets there.
Be strong and take care of yourself and Web, Jr. That is the most important part anyway.
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MM
That which does not kill me postpones the inevitable.
Hopefully I can salvage the weekend this time.
Been super-duper busy in the office. Found out yesterday that THE MAN told one of our customers we'd (we as in me), would have him a bill TODAY! WTH was he thinking? We just finished last week and there are still costs out 
