Telemarketers suck big time. Here are some proven ways to rid your life of these dumba$$e$ for good...well, maybe.
1. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy and you could sure use some money.
2. If they start out with, "How are you today?" say, "I'm so glad you asked, because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems. My arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died . . . "
3. If they say they're John Doe from XYZ Company, ask them to spell their name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them where it is located, how long it has been in business, how many people work there, how they got into this line of work if they are married, how many kids they have, etc. Continue asking them personal questions or questions about their company for as long as necessary.
4. (This works great if you are male) Telemarketer: "Hi, my name is Judy and I'm with XYZ Company. " You: Wait for a second and with a real husky voice ask, "What are you wearing?"
5. Cry out in surprise, "Judy? Is that you? Oh my God! Judy, how have you been?" Hopefully, this will give Judy a few brief moments of terror as she tries to figure out where she could know you from.
6. Say "No" over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each one, and keep a rhythmic tempo, even as they are trying to speak. This is most fun if you can do it until they hang up.
7. If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up for the Family and Friends Plan, reply, in as sinister a voice as you can, "I don't have any friends, would you be my friend?"
8. If the company cleans rugs, respond: "Can you get out blood? Can you get out goat blood? How about human blood?"
9. After the Telemarketer gives his or her spiel, ask him or her to marry you. When they get all flustered, tell them that you can't just give your credit card number to a complete stranger.
10. If the Telemarketer is selling raffle tickets, tell him or her that you work for the same company, and that employees cannot participate.
11. Answer the phone. As soon as you realize it is a Telemarketer, set the receiver down, scream, "OH MY GOD!" and then hang up.
12. Tell the Telemarketer you are busy at the moment and ask if he/she will give you their home phone number so you can call him/her back. When the Telemarketer explains that telemarketers cannot give out their home numbers say, "I guess you don't want anyone bothering you at home, right?" The Telemarketer will agree and you say, "Me either!" and proceed to hang up.
13. Ask them to repeat everything they say, several times.
14. Tell them it is dinner time, but ask if they would please hold. Put them on your speaker phone while you continue to eat at your leisure. Smack your food loudly and continue with your dinner conversation. For added effect, clanging of cutlery and dishes is recommended.
15. Tell the Telemarketer you are on "home incarceration" and ask if they could bring you some beer.
16. Ask them to fax the information to you, and make up a number.
17. Tell the Telemarketer, "Okay, I'll listen to you. But I should probably tell you, I'm not wearing any clothes."
18. Insist that the caller is really your buddy Leon, playing a joke. "Come on, Leon, cut it out! Seriously, Leon, how's your momma?"
19. Tell them you are hard of hearing and that they need to speak up... louder... louder!
20. Tell them to talk very slowly, because you want to write every word down.
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Stop trying to be what you see. Be what you ought to be.
We are lucky enough to have a 'Do Not Call' list in this state. It doesn't solve every call, but it eliminates most. You still have to deal with any not-for-profit, political or products (credit cards) you have.
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Stop trying to be what you see. Be what you ought to be.
My big problem is that I sign up for a lot of free stuff. When you sign up for something, you're automatically giving them permission to call you. And by them, it means the entire company, not just the section that relates to the item you ordered. So, even though we're on the Do Not Call List, I still get multiple unknown and toll free calls. If there's not a name on my caller ID display, I don't answer the phone.
I put all of our numbers on the "Do Not Call" list too and that really has helped the amount of phone spam we get.
If I'm not doing anything too important, I'll just play along and act like I'm interested and ask a bunch of questions. After about the 5th time of explaining it to me I tell them no and they usually get rather angry.
When the "good cause" calls looking for donations come in, I just tell them that there is so much fraud now, I don't trust anyone who calls me asking for money.
Sorry guys, I have to defend marketing firms, it's my bread and butter.... I work for one of those annoying firms who call you during dinner (I don't call, but I make the final data charts on the client research end). We don't sell anything, so the do not call lists don't apply to us. We are in the market of opinions, so usually people do want to talk to us because it's the closest their going to get to having their voice heard about things important to them (we do a lot for television and magazines). So don't totally discount all the minimum wage goofballs out there who call you. See if it's a product you're interested in giving your opinion about before you hang up!
Sorry Zim . . . nothing personal, but it's still spam to me.
Even if the call is not to sell me something, but to get my opinion, who is to benefit? I have a hard time believing that someone would hire your company to place a call to my home with only my best interest in mind.
I understand it is your job, but that does not make the dinnertime phone calls about something I don't want any less annoying.
Sparky--that is similar to me. We have a flooding of high school age kids haning around parking lots and going door to door selling candy. I tell them I am diabetic.
Sorry Zim! I will be nice next time!
