If using a touch-tone, press random numbers while ordering. Ask person taking the order to stop doing that.
Make up a charge-card name. Ask if they accept it.
Terminate the call with, "Remember, we never had this conversation."
Tell the order taker you're depressed. Get him/her to cheer you up.
Make a list of exotic cuisines. Order them as toppings.
Change your accent every three seconds.
Order 52 pepperoni slices prepared in a fractal pattern as follows from an equation you are about to dictate. Ask if they need paper.
Ask if you get to keep the pizza box. When they say yes, heave a sigh of relief.
Put the accent on the last syllable of "pepperoni." Use the long "i" sound.
Have your pizza "shaken, not stirred."
Say it's your anniversary and you'd appreciate if the deliverer hid behind some furniture waiting for your spouse to arrive so you can surprise him/her.
Ask to see a menu.
Ask if they have any idea what is at stake with this pizza.
Ask what topping goes best with well-aged Chardonnay.
Order a slice, not a whole pizza.
Ask if the pizza is organically grown.
Ask about pizza maintenance and repair.
Be vague in your order.
When they repeat your order, say "Again, with a little more OOMPH this time."
When you're given the price, say "Ooooooo, that sounds complicated. I hate math."
Haggle.
Order a one-inch pizza.
Order term life insurance.
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Stop trying to be what you see. Be what you ought to be.
In gradeschool I use to have a teacher that had that sign on her desk. It would be great if I were able to consistently work that way. But it is more my nature to be ticked off first and then work on getting even later. Sometimes I do get even first.
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Stop trying to be what you see. Be what you ought to be.
