ACCORDIONATED (ah kor' de on ay tid) adj. Being able to drive and refold
a road map at the same time.

AQUADEXTROUS (ak wa deks' trus) adj. Possessing the ability to turn the
bathtub faucet on and off with your toes.

AQUALIBRIUM (ak wa lib' re um) n. The point where the stream of drinking
fountain water is at its perfect height, thus relieving the drinker from
(a) having to suck the nozzle, or (b) squirting himself in the eye.

BURGACIDE (burg' uh side) n. When a hamburger can't take any more
torture and hurls itself through the grill into the coals.

BUZZACKS (buz' aks) n. People in phone marts who walk around picking up
display phones and listening for dial tones even when they know the
phones are not connected.

CARPERPETUATION (kar' pur pet u a shun) n. The act, when vacuuming, of
running over a string or a piece of lint at least a dozen times, reaching
over and picking it up, examining it, then putting it back down to give
the vacuum one more chance.

DIMP (dimp) n. A person who insults you in a cheap department store by
asking, "Do you work here?"

DISCONFECT (dis kon fekt') v. To sterilize the piece of candy you
dropped on the floor by blowing on it, somehow assuming this will 'remove' all the
germs.

ECNALUBMA (ek na lub' ma) n. A rescue vehicle which can only be seen in
the rearview mirror.

EIFFELITES (eye' ful eyetz) n. Gangly people sitting in front of you at
the movies who, no matter what direction you lean in, follow suit.

ELBONICS (el bon' iks) n. The actions of two people maneuvering for one
armrest in a movie theater or airplane.

ELEVCELLERATION (el a cel er ay' shun) n. The mistaken notion that the
more you press an elevator button the faster it will arrive.

FRUST (frust) n. The small line of debris that refuses to be swept onto
the dust pan and keeps backing a person across the room until he finally
decides to give up and sweep it under the rug.

LACTOMANGULATION (lak' to man gyu lay' shun) n. Manhandling the "open
here" spout on a milk container so badly that one has to resort to the
'illegal' side.

NEONPHANCY (ne on' fan see) n. A fluorescent light bulb struggling to
come to life.

PEPPIER (pehp ee ay') n. The waiter at a fancy restaurant whose sole
purpose seems to be walking around asking diners if they want ground pepper.

PETOPHOBIC (peh toe fo' bik) adj. One who is embarrassed to undress in
front of a household pet.

PHONESIA (fo nee' zhuh) n. The affliction of dialing a phone number and
forgetting whom you were calling just as they answer.

PUPKUS (pup' kus) n. The moist residue left on a window after a dog
presses its nose to it.

TELECRASTINATION (tel e kras tin ay' shun) n. The act of always letting
the phone ring at least twice before you pick it up, even when you're only
six inches away.