Did we really need a poll on this? Is There a Best Way to Break Up?
Alas, the spark is gone from your relationship... and you want out. What's the best way to say so to your date? Well, according to an exclusive poll of over 10,000 men and women by Happen/Match.com, you're a surprisingly upfront lot. Let's take a closer look: 13 percent of pollees think email's easier for everyone (especially them) and a wimpy 19 percent pull a complete disappearing act--ouch! But by far the majority -- 68 percent, in fact -- bite the bullet and break the news in person.
"People see breaking up in person as the right, polite, and humane thing to do, and it usually is," says Lynn Harris, author of Breakup Girl to the Rescue! "You don't want to leave someone saying, 'Not only did my ex of five years break up with me, she broke up with me over voice mail!'" And, in a world filled with email, IM, text messaging, and other more impersonal modes of communication, face-to-face has more of a feeling of finality and can bring closure quickly. "Breaking up in person can also seem more real," explains Harris. "You don't have to wonder if he or she got your email; you don't have to wonder how to interpret the silence on the other end of the phone."
That said, doing the dumping in person won't instantly win you sensitivity points. Certain restrictions apply, like: Don't do it in public (it suggests you're trying to avoid a scene--and what if he or she does get emotional?) or in your own home. The best place, says Harris, is your soon-to-be ex's pad, where the person being dumped feels safe and comfortable. And while your ex-in-progress might press for a reason, don't be too honest or else you risk adding insult to injury. Something like "I feel that I'm just not falling as hard as I'd like to be" is usually true, irrefutable, and won't cause lifelong trauma. "It's normal for them to be mad that you broke up with them," says Harris, "so do what you can to avoid their being mad at how you broke up with them."
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"Am I speaking in a language you're not getting here?"
The way my ex and I broke up was kind of ironic, especially based on this subject. We were growing apart and didn't have the relationship we used to (and it was a semi long distance relationship, just far enough away to keep us apart). I decided to break up with him, but I wanted to have one last happy date with him. We had one planned for Friday night, and I had a long weekend, so I figured we'd have the date, then I would go over to his house later in the weekend to break up face to face.
Well, since we had a semi long-distance relationship, we wrote letters to each other often. We'd often exchange them when we met. So, after our date, I read his letter when I got home, and he broke up with me in the letter! Hey, it was fine with me, it made life a whole lot easier!
