I agree, a simple call or text message would be good, to at least acknowledge his birthday. I think a card without a gift would be fine too, but you probably should've mailed that out today. Or an email or an e-card would work too.

I agree with the not a phone call descision.

I don't know, I just hate the phone. I wonder if most guys do....not that I don't mind hearing from someone every once in awhile, but sometimes I feel "trapped" on a phone. Why are you calling me, taking up my evening? Just to hear the sound of my voice?? E-mail/ text messaging is great, they can be responded too when convenient.

I see all these folks on their cellphones all the time. Why?  

 

  Why in the F_ _ _ would  you want to send a card to someone who just walked out on you ?

  The only card I'd send would be a buisness card with my lawyers name and # on it.

 Screw that " still wanna be freinds"  crap .

 Think he'll wanna be freinds when he calls your house and some strange guy answers the phone ?

jstdve wrote:

---

    Why in the F_ _ _ would  you want to send a card to someone who just walked out on you ?   The only card I'd send would be a buisness card with my lawyers name and # on it.  Screw that " still wanna be freinds"  crap .  Think he'll wanna be freinds when he calls your house and some strange guy answers the phone ?

---

My opening position is I'm going to try to be friendly.  I strongly suspect this will not last any longer than divorce settlement negotiations which are theoretically supposed to occur this week.  In the long run, I'm simply hoping the man won't be too much of an arse when we are both around the kids and grandkids. I've invested 16 years of my life in the boys and have no intention of cutting them out of my life now.  It would just be easier on everyone if we could lack the hostility.

I'm interested to see what he will eventually come up with in the way of a settlement offer.  I can see the plan forming... he has said that he doesn't want any equity out of the house and he won't attempt to get anything out of my father's estate if I agree to not go after the business he now owns.  He says he feels as though he needs to pay me back for how badly he has treated me  over our 16 years... and I agree with him. I just don't think his idea of what he actually owes me and my idea of the same will match up, but I have yet to see.

It's not even so much that I truly want to be his friend.  I just don't want to end up being one of those bitter, hateful women who's sole purpose in life becomes punishing the wasband.  I'd prefer to collect his "guilt money" and use it to finance me a much better happier life that I could simply smile about and perhaps rub his nose in... in a subtile way of course.

 

  a text message with 49 ways to commit suicide might be appropriate .

Dave, I love you for being a hater on my behalf. I have my moments... I'm sure they will become more frequent.  My opening position is to take the high road and be the better person. Positions are subject to change.

Dave is sweet and quite violent at the same time!

I hate people that complain about thorns on rosebushes- I am glad that thorns have roses!  

I know that you have some differing opinions, but....

You break up with people for a reason, but if you dwell on the hostile feelings, it makes it hard to really move on....to have a truly fresh start...start it off on a good note....wish the man a Happy B Day. You may not be best friends but you can still be friendly and did have somenthing once...

I decided to settle upon the text message.  I sent it this morning just before I left for work.  It simply said "Happy 49th B-Day".  He called me right back to tell me that I made his entire day and asked how I'm doing.  I wished him a happy birthday, told him I'm fine, and informed him that he needs to call his sister and give her his new address as she sent a card for him to my house. His response was, "Oh, okay. I guess I need to do that. So, how are you?" Me: "I'm fine. Hey, you still owe me a settlement conversation." Him: "Umm... I'm still looking at the numbers and I've been really busy these last several days is why I haven't called.  I'll call you closer to Friday on that. So, how are you?" Me: "Think real reasonably. I'm fine." Him: "I will. So, how are you doing?" Me: "Again, I'm fine. So, I'm in traffic. Bye."

-- Edited by Mad Mema at 09:32, 2006-06-07

my thing is --  when i'm done, i'm done.

not always the best thing, but it works for me.

the first instinct is almost always the one to go with.  if you really wish him happiness then you should tell him happy birthday.  but, if you have animositys (spelling?) that prevent you from wishing him happiness and feel like you have to wish him goodness and happiness so he won't flip out and it drains all your energy (shoul i, shouldn't i), that isn't healthy for you.  and really, at this point, who comes first? 

my dad never used to tell me what to do, but he always said, "i'm in your corner"

so, i think what we are all saying is "we are in your corner"

my dad used to also tell me, "take care of number one"

at this point in the game, mema, i believe this is you.

one of my experiences led to to have to say, "i have to take care of me now, i can't take care of you anymore." 

my step daughter thought she could "be friends" with her still husband while they were splitting up.  he was being real nice (but still controlling).  meanwhile, he cashed out his 401k and gave it to his sister to bank, he was recording her phone calls, messing with the kids heads...

take care of number one...  whomever you believe number one to be...

 

Dave and me are in your corner with weapons!

 

I absolutely refuse to let this man break me or make me suffer any longer. I know in the long run I will be far better off without him, so on that count he is correct... his leaving is in my best interest.

I think the only thing I can do to phase him in any way is to get into his wallet.  Well, phasing his bank account is just a side benefit to forcing him to improve my life in any way possible.  I know that I can have a better life, I just want him to finance it for me. Heheheehe... he owes me that much.

As a very wise person (Pambo) once told me, the opposite of love is not hate. The opposite of love is indifference. That is what I'm striving to attain in my emotional dealings with him.. indifference.  Some days are better than others. I'll get there.