Subject: Simple Home Remedies

1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a cup of
boiling water down your throat and presto. The blockage will be almost
instantly removed.

2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting
someone else to hold them while you chop away.

3. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by
simply using the sink.

4. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for
a few minutes, thus reduci ng the pressure in your veins. Remember to
use a timer.

5. A set mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent
you from rolling over and
going back to sleep after you hit th e snooze button.

6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you
will be afraid to cough.

7. Have a bad toothache? Smash your thumb with a hammer and you will
forget about the toothache.

Sometimes, we just need to remember what the rules of  life really are:

*You only need two tools: WD-40 and Duct Tape. * If it doesn't move and
should, use the WD-40.

*If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.

Remember: Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

Never pass up an opportunity to go to the bathroom.

And finally, be really nice to your family and friends; you never know
when you might need them to  empty your bedpan.

Some people are like Slinkies...
Not really good for anything, but still bring a smile to your face when
you push them down a flight of stairs.