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Post Info TOPIC: Ok let's settle the dog vs. men issue!
Ruby


The Good Witch Of The South

    



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Ok let's settle the dog vs. men issue!
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Why dogs are better than men

  • Dogs do not have problems expressing affection in public.
  • Dogs miss you when you're gone.
  • You never wonder whether your dog is good enough for you.
  • Dogs feel guilt when they've done something wrong.
  • Dogs don't brag about whom they have slept with.
  • Dogs don't criticize your friends.
  • Dogs admit when they're jealous.
  • Dogs do not play games with you -- except fetch (and then never laugh at how you throw).
  • Dogs are happy with any video you choose to rent, because they know the most important thing is that you're together.
  • Dogs don't feel threatened by your intelligence.
  • You can train a dog.
  • Dogs are already in touch with their inner puppies.
  • You are never suspicious of your dog's dreams.
  • Gorgeous dogs don't know they're gorgeous.
  • The worst social disease you can get from dogs is fleas. (OK, the *really* worst disease you can get from them is rabies, but there's a vaccine for it, and you get to kill the one that gives it to you.)
  • Dogs understand what "no" means.
  • Dogs don't need therapy to undo their bad socialization.
  • Dogs don't make a practice of killing their own species.
  • Dogs understand if some of their friends cannot come inside.
  • Dogs think you are a culinary genius.
  • You can house train a dog.
  • You can force a dog to take a bath.
  • Dogs don't correct your stories.
  • Middle-aged dogs don't feel the need to abandon you for a younger owner.
  • Dogs aren't threatened by a woman with short hair.
  • Dogs aren't threatened by two women with short hair.
  • Dogs don't mind if you do all the driving.
  • Dogs don't step on the imaginary brake.
  • Dogs admit it when they're lost.
  • Dogs don't weigh down your purse with their stuff.
  • Dogs do not care whether you shave your legs.
  • Dogs take care of their own needs.
  • Dogs aren't threatened if you earn more than they do.
  • Dogs mean it when they kiss you.
  • Dogs are nice to your relatives.




How dogs and men are the same

  • Both take up too much space on the bed.
  • Both have irrational fears about vacuum cleaning.
  • Both are threatened by their own kind.
  • Both like to chew wood.
  • Both mark their territory.
  • Both are bad at asking you questions.
  • Neither tells you what's bothering them.
  • Both tend to smell riper with age.
  • The smaller ones tend to be more nervous.
  • Both have an inordinate fascination with women.s crotches.
  • Neither does any dishes.
  • Both fart shamelessly.
  • Neither of them notice when you get your hair cut.
  • Both like dominance games.
  • Both are suspicious of the postman.
  • Neither knows how to talk on the telephone.
  • Neither understands what you see in cats.




Why men are better than dogs

  • Men only have two feet to track in mud.
  • Men can buy you presents.
  • Men don't have to play with every man they see when you take them around the block.
  • Men are a little bit more subtle.
  • Men open their own cans.
  • Dogs have dog breath all the time.
  • Men can do math stuff.
  • Holiday Inns accept men


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JD The Jazz Doctor


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WHY DOGS ARE BETTER THAN WOMEN

1. Dogs don't care if you mow the lawn or not.


2. Dogs don't run up outrageous phone bills talking to friends and relatives for hours.


3. Dogs don't get upset if you don't want to watch a LIFETIME movie.


4. Dogs don't use all the hot water taking hour long showers.


5. Dogs don't have an expensive Avon habit to support.


6.  


7. Dogs don't care if you ball your socks up and leave them under the couch.


8. Dogs don't get upset if you forget their birthday.


9. Dogs don't care if your favorite lounging jeans have a hole in the knee.


10. Dogs don't care if you prefer pizza over pot roast if you give them a bite too.


11. Dogs don't expect you to remember the name of every one of their friends.


12. Dogs don't care if you leave the toilet seat up or down.


13. Dogs don't care how much sports you watch on TV as long as they can be near you.


14. Dogs don't care if you have bowling leagues 3 nights per week, well maybe a little, but they forgive you as soon as you get home.


15. Dogs aren't afraid of breaking a nail.


16. Dogs don't take hours to get ready to go to dinner.


17. Dogs don't care if you have razor stubble.


18. A dog license is cheaper than a marriage license.


19. You don't have to put up with your dog's relatives if you don't like them.


20. Dog toys are not as expensive as computers.


21. Dogs don't get PMS.(submitted by a female friend, Hedra. THANKS!)


22. Dogs will wait for you out side a pub. And if you come out drunk....they love you anyway. 23. Dogs don't care how many other dogs you had before them.


24. Dogs dont require dinner and a movie before sleeping w/ u.


25. Dogs don't care to carry on a conversation with you.


26. Dogs don't want babies.


27. Dogs don't expect you to carry their purchases when you go shopping with them. Better: they do not make purchases.


28. Dogs don't need three days to pack before going on a week-end trip.


29. Dogs don't need you to explain to everybody the nature of your relationship with them.


30. Dogs don't want to be introduced to your parents.


31. Dogs don't try to insinuate how better their friends' owners are.


32. Dog don't care about etiquette and table manners.


33. Dogs don't need to have you 24 h at their bedside when they are sick.


34. Dogs are inexpensive to care for.


35. Dogs are not fussy about food.


36. Dogs are always happy to go out wherever and whenever you want to go.


37. Dogs only need to go to the bathroom a few times per day. They can relieve themselves on the side of the road while travelling.


38. Dogs like to live in a smelly place.


39. Dogs don't care how much you earn.


40. Dogs don't think that living with you gives them the right to use your shaver on their legs.


41. Dogs are are better at keeping you company than people because they wont tell you that they are busy....


42. Dogs are better than women because dogs don't become fat beyond your control. *grin* - (


43. The later you are getting home, the happier they are to see you


44. If you smell like another dog, they just think it is interesting


44. If they find you with another dog they will just play with both of you...the last three were compliments of "Joe".


45. Dogs don't mind if you sell their kids. .



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"And like Web, I enjoy throwing JR under the bus.  Problem is, it's usually under the special bus that I ride every day". Ghostdancer 12-18-09
JD The Jazz Doctor


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#6 was terrible. I had to get rid of that one.

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"And like Web, I enjoy throwing JR under the bus.  Problem is, it's usually under the special bus that I ride every day". Ghostdancer 12-18-09
darleneapd


Cuff 'Em N' Stuff 'Em

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45. Dogs don't mind if you sell their kids. .


 


I loved that one.



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Trish


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Dogs and men are the same because neither can read a map or ask for directions.

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Ruby


The Good Witch Of The South

    



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I want to see #6- PM me!



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JD The Jazz Doctor


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no.....it was very rude and disrespectful. I am so happy I caught it before posting!

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"And like Web, I enjoy throwing JR under the bus.  Problem is, it's usually under the special bus that I ride every day". Ghostdancer 12-18-09
Molly


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See, now I'm assuming the worst. I'll assume it has something to do with red rocket.

But I'm guessing it just involves the word b*tch.

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JD The Jazz Doctor


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your assumption is correct.

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"And like Web, I enjoy throwing JR under the bus.  Problem is, it's usually under the special bus that I ride every day". Ghostdancer 12-18-09
Molly


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The first assumption? Okay then, I can understand why you didn't post it.

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Ruby


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Aw you respect me!

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JD The Jazz Doctor


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Ruby wrote:

Aw you respect me!

 


Of course I respect you Ruby! Go get me a beer. PLEASE???



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"And like Web, I enjoy throwing JR under the bus.  Problem is, it's usually under the special bus that I ride every day". Ghostdancer 12-18-09
JD The Jazz Doctor


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the 2nd assumption molly.


  



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"And like Web, I enjoy throwing JR under the bus.  Problem is, it's usually under the special bus that I ride every day". Ghostdancer 12-18-09
Molly


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Oh, well that's not so bad then.

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Ruby


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Hey I used to be a bartender, so the beer crack is ok as long as you are ready to TIP me!

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JD The Jazz Doctor


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Ruby wrote:

Hey I used to be a bartender, so the beer crack is ok as long as you are ready to TIP me!
an ice cold heineken, served with a smile and you can keep the change from the five!  

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"And like Web, I enjoy throwing JR under the bus.  Problem is, it's usually under the special bus that I ride every day". Ghostdancer 12-18-09
JD The Jazz Doctor


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Molly wrote:

Oh, well that's not so bad then.

referring to a woman as a B****?


 



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MzHartz


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Well, it would obviously be part of a joke.

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JD The Jazz Doctor


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lol I have no idea about the red rocket comment you thought it might have been??



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"And like Web, I enjoy throwing JR under the bus.  Problem is, it's usually under the special bus that I ride every day". Ghostdancer 12-18-09
MzHartz


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Ask someone who watches South Park. It's bad enough that I'd rather not post it.

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JD The Jazz Doctor


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PM it?

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"And like Web, I enjoy throwing JR under the bus.  Problem is, it's usually under the special bus that I ride every day". Ghostdancer 12-18-09
Ruby


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If she PMs it- will you think she does not respect you?

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MzHartz


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I'm sure I'm making too big of a deal out of it, but I think it's absolutely obscene, so I'm really hoping someone else will come on who knows what I'm talking about and will explain it so I don't have to.

It's from South Park, so I really need to say more?

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JD The Jazz Doctor


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nah its ok if its that bad....no need to hear it...

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"And like Web, I enjoy throwing JR under the bus.  Problem is, it's usually under the special bus that I ride every day". Ghostdancer 12-18-09
Ruby


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Trust me- I was kidding and I trust your judgment MZ! Just pointing out the irony that he will not pm me out of respect, but wants you to pm him something offensive!

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JD The Jazz Doctor


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I repect y'all.

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"And like Web, I enjoy throwing JR under the bus.  Problem is, it's usually under the special bus that I ride every day". Ghostdancer 12-18-09
Molly


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LS, you watch South Park, right? Do you know which episode Mz is talking about?

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Lady Strange


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Molly wrote:

LS, you watch South Park, right? Do you know which episode Mz is talking about?
Yes.  Horrible and gross, but hysterical. 

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Molly


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Disturbing enough that Mz won't post it, and I won't post it.

Look up South Park and Red Rocket on Google if you're curious, I'm sure it's on there.

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Lady Strange


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The older kids teach Cartman this cool trick of "milking" the male dogs, while saying "Red rocket, red rocket," the way you'd normally talk to a dog.  And they think it's this neat trick, not realizing there is anything sexual going on.  That is until Stan does "red rocket" to Sparky during his parents' book club meeting.  As I said, it's gross, yet one of the funniest things I've ever seen, because the kids are so oblivious to what it is they're doing.


 



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"Tell me, does it move you, Does it soothe you, Does it fill your heart and soul with the roots of rock & roll?
When you can't get through it you can listen to it with a 'na na na na', Well I've been there before"
-"Been There Before" by Hanson
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