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JOKES FOR THE DAY!!
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A woman goes to the doctor's and says, "Doctor, Doctor, you have to help me.
Every time I go to the bathroom, DIMES come out!"
The doctor tells her to relax, go home, rest with her feet up and come back in a week.
A week later the woman returns and says, "Doctor, Doctor, it's gotten worse!
Every time I go to the bathroom, QUARTERS come out!! What's wrong with me?"
Again the doctor tells her to relax, go home, rest with her feet up and come back in a week.
Another week passes and the woman returns and yells, "Doctor, Doctor,
I'm still not getting better! Every time I go to the bathroom,
HALF-DOLLARS come out! WHAT THE HECK IS WRONG WITH ME?!!"
The doctor says, "Relax, Relax,... You're just going through the change!"

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The Little Girl And A Bird



Once upon a time, there was a guy sunbathing in the nude. He saw a little girl coming towards him, so he covered himself with the newspaper he was reading. The girl came up to him and asked "What do you have under the newspaper, mister?"







"A bird," the guy replied. The little girl walked away and the guy fell asleep.









When he woke up, he was in a hospital in tremendous pain. When the Police asked him what happened, the guy replied, "I don't know. I was lying on the beach, this girl asked me about my privates, and the next thing I know is I'm here."









Police went back to the beach, found the girl, and asked her "What did you do to that naked fellow?"









After a little pause, the girl replied, "To him? Nothing. I was playing with the bird and it spit on me, so I broke its neck, cracked its eggs, and set its nest on fire.",ski



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 A week after their marriage, the redneck newlyweds, Ed and Arlene, paid a visit to their doctor.
      
  "You ain't gonna believe this, Doc," said the husband. "My thingy's turnin' blue."
      
   "That's pretty unusual," said the doctor. "Let me examine you."
      
  The doctor takes a look. Sure enough, the redneck's
     "thingy" really was blue.
      
   The doctor turns to the wife, "Are you using the diaphragm that I prescribed for you?"
      
  "Yep, shore am," she replied brightly.
      
   "And what kind of jelly are you using with it?"
      
       "Grape."

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At last... we know who's at fault!!



  









Adam was hanging around the garden of Eden feeling very lonely.   

So, God asked him, "What's wrong with you?"   

Adam said he didn't have anyone to talk to.  

God said that He was going to make Adam a companion and that it would be a woman.   

He said, "This pretty lady will gather food for you, she will cook for you,   

and when you discover clothing, she will wash it for you.   

She will always agree with every decision you make and she will not nag you,   

and will always be the first to admit she was wrong when you've had a disagreement. She will praise you!   

She will bear your children.  

and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them.  

"She will NEVER have a headache and will freely give you love and passion whenever you need it."   

Adam asked God, "What will a woman like this cost?"  

God replied, "An arm and a leg."   

Then Adam asked, "What can I get for a rib?"   

Of course the rest is history...................  



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It was the first day of school and a new student named Pedro Martinez,



the son of a Mexican restaurateur, entered the fourth grade. The


teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American history.



"Who said 'Give me Liberty, or give me Death?' " She saw a sea of


blank faces, except for Pedro, who had his hand up. "Patrick Henry,


1775."



"Very good!" apprised the teacher. "Now, who said, "Government of the


people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the


earth?" Again, no response except from Pedro: "Abraham Lincoln, 1863."



The teacher snapped at the class, "Class, you should be ashamed!


Pedro, who is new to our country, knows more about its history than


you do!"



She heard a loud whisper: "Screw the Mexicans!" "Who said that?" she


demanded. Pedro put his hand up. "Jim Bowie, 1836."



At that point, a student in the back said, "I'm gonna puke." The


teacher glared and asked, "All right! Now, who said that?" Again,


Pedro answered, "George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991."



Now furious, another student yelled, "Oh yeah? Suck this!" Pedro


jumped out of his chair waving his hand and shouting to the teacher,


"Bill Clinton to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!"



Now, with almost a mob hysteria, teacher said, "You little ****. If


you say anything else, I'll kill you!"


Pedro frantically yelled at the top of his voice, "Gary Condit to


Chandra


Levy, 2001."



The teacher fainted, and as the class gathered around her on the


floor, someone said, "Oh ****, we're in BIG trouble now!" Pedro


whispered, "Saddam Hussein, 2003."



Finally someone throws an eraser at Pedro, someone shouted "Duck"!


Teacher, just waking, asked "Who said that?


Pedro blurts, "Dick Cheney 2006!"



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