I really never expected to win so didn't prepare a speech or anything. I, I don't want to do the typical thank you's thing because I know I'd leave someone out and cause hurt feelings. I'm just so excited I really can't concentrate right now.
Look at me world! I GOT A CRAAAAAAAAAAAPPER!!!!!!!!!
I do have to say though...
(band starts playing)
HEY! KNOCK THAT MUSIC OFF! I waited too long for this, you'll play when I'm finished and NOT before!
I do have to say that I need to thank all those that came before me and showed me how it was done. This award is not only for me tonight, but for those trailblazers of fluff and nothingness that have come before me
Tonight, WE ARE ALL WINNERS!
I also of course have to thank the acadamy, or more specifically Dave. You were hard on me, you made me work for this award. But I can see now that it's only because you held me to a standard higher than I even thought I could acheive. YOU SAW the potential for nothingness in me and made me realize that potential! I LOVE YOU MAN!!!!
It's taken so long to get this award, but I can tell you that I appreciatte that much more as a result. You can take my health, You can take my belongings, you can take away my family and friends, you can even take this award away from me. But you can NEVER, EVER, take away the fact that on this glorious night in September of 2006, I WAS A CRAPPER WINNER!!!!
award. 
