Five Levels of Hangovers: > > > > > > > >One Star Hangover (*) > > > > > > > >No pain. No real feeling of illness. You're able to function relatively > > > >well. However, you are still parched. You can drink 5 cokes and still > > > >feel this way. For some reason, you are craving a steak & fries. > > > > > > > >Two Star Hangover (**) > > > > > > > >No pain, but something is definitely amiss. You may look okay, but you > > > >have the mental capacity of a staple gun. The coffee you are chugging > > > >is only increasing your rumbling gut, which is still tossing around the > > > >fruity pancake from the 3:00 AM Waffle House excursion. There is some > > > >definite havoc being wreaked upon your bowels. > > > > > > > >Three Star Hangover (***) > > > > > > > >Slight headache, stomach feels crappy. You are definitely not > > > >productive. Anytime a girl walks by you gag because her perfume reminds you > >of > > > >the flavored schnapps shots your alcoholic friends dared you to drink. > > > >Life would be better right now if you were home in your bed watching > > > >Lucy reruns. You've had 4 cups of coffee, a gallon of water, 3 iced teas > > > >and a diet Coke--yet you haven't peed once. > > > > > > > >Four Star Hangover (****) > > > > > > > >Life sucks. Your head is throbbing. You can't speak too quickly or else > > > >you might puke. Your boss has already lambasted you for being late and > > > >has given you a lecture for reeking of booze. You wore nice clothes, > > > >but that can't hide the fact that you only shaved one side of your face. > > > >For the ladies, it looks like you put your make-up on while riding the > > > >bumper cars. Your eyes look like one big red vein, and even your hair > > > >hurts. Your ass is in perpetual spasm, and the first of about five dumps> >you take during the day brings water to the eyes of everyone who enters > > > >the bathroom. > > > > > > > >Five Star Hangover (*****) > > > > > > > >You have a second heartbeat in your head, which is actually annoying > > > >the employee who sits in the next cube. Vodka vapor is seeping out of > > > >every pore and making you dizzy. You still have toothpaste crust in the > > > >corners of your mouth from brushing your teeth in an attempt to get the > > > >remnants of the poop fairy out. Your body has lost the ability to > > > >generate spit so your tongue is suffocating you. You don't have the > >foggiest > > > >idea who the hell the stranger was passed out in your bed this morning. > > > >Any attempt to take a dump results in a fire hose like discharge of > > > >alcohol-scented fluid with a rare 'Floater' thrown in. The sole purpose of > > > >this 'Floater' seems to be to splash the toilet water all over your > > > >butt. Death sounds pretty good about right now... > > > >***** > > > > > > > > > > > >THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK: > > > > > > > >Indubitably; Innovative; Preliminary; Proliferation; Cinnamon > > > >***** > > > > > > > >THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK: > > > > > > > >Specificity; British Constitution; Passive-aggressive disorder; > > > >Loquacious; Transubstantiate > > > >***** > > > >THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK : > > > > > > > >1.) Thanks, but I don't want to have sex. > > > >2.) Nope, no more booze for me. > > > >3.) Sorry, but you're not really my type. > > > >4.) Good evening officer isn't it lovely out tonight. > > > >5.) Oh, I just couldn't. No one wants to hear me sing. > > > >6.) Sorry I'm being such a jackass.
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Sometimes, when i'm lonely... i crawl into a laundry basket and tickle my ears. But, Some times I don't...
In Milwaukee, we enjoy Ma Fischer's to help reduce any of the effects that alcohol may have. Not that we drink so much that we would need to do such a thing.... "hick" Thank God for George Webb. :)
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All I wanted was a Pepsi, and SHE wouldn't Give it to me.
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz... Sleepy bunch aren't ya.
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All I wanted was a Pepsi, and SHE wouldn't Give it to me.
