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darleneapd


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If Girls ran the NFL.........
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Listen Up Guys.

If Chicks ran the NFL, we would have:

  • Chippendale Dancers as cheerleaders and half-time entertainment. Enough already with those Barbie dolls gyrating in their scanty outfits. We could all do without those silly dogs chasing Frisbees all over the field. Give us some buffed guys in shorts and tank tops dancing to Macho Man!
  • Serve us blended Margaritas featuring the flavor of the day. They'll help us swallow those shingles with Cheez-Whiz they call Nachos.
  • Wine, because beer makes us "go" way too often, and puts on the pounds. The wine has to be the good stuff not Wyoming Valley vintage 2000 with twist off caps.
  • If we're drinking the brew we need to get up and go. Give us lots and lots of toilets that smell good! Toss a few Stick-Ups in there and use Charmin' instead of sandpaper army issue toilet paper.
  • Baby-sitting services at every stadium in the USA where you can drop off the rug-rats while you sit back and enjoy the game.
  • We want tours of the locker rooms. The tours would be conducted right after the game and while the players were freshly showered and still drying off.
  • An e-lounge where you can stay wired into every electronic gadget in your life during the game.
  • Team Apparel that fits us and isn't made for men who are 6'2" and weigh in at 330 pounds.
  • Ladies Day at least once a year in every stadium for every sport.
  • Cameron Diaz takes over as the new Football Commissioner. She has all the credentials necessary to run the NFL. She owned a football team in "On Any Given Sunday" and she was a psychiatrist who happened to be a girl jock in "There's Something About Mary". With her looks and obvious sports background, her decision-making abilities should be comparable to Mr. Tagliabue's.
  • We love the yellow first down line; this is the best thing since the Wonder Bra. Every network should be required to use this feature during NFL broadcasts.
  • Why is it that the men around me all seem to know when a field goal is good? I can't quite see where the heck that ball is. When I think it's good and get up and yell, they say "sit down, it's no good". When I think it's good it's not.
  • With all the technology available let's put a trailer after the ball or sensors on the goals posts that light up when the ball goes though, or how about positioning the camera above the goal post?

Take my word for it gentlemen; there won't be an empty seat in any football stadium if Chicks Ran The NFL.



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Woo Hoo


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lol, that may make me a fan! Margaritas and wine!

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Ruby


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Woo hoo- sign me up!

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MzHartz


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Oh man, sounds good to me!

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darleneapd


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part 2 to follow

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Jeremy Riggs


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That's fine, I'll just turn my attention to the lingerie bowl then



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Ruby


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That is NOT sexy

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Jeremy Riggs


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Gooooooooooooooooooooonna have to agree to disagree on this one Ruby



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Ruby


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Maybe the still frames, but the action shots- not so pretty!

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darleneapd


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Part 2

If Chicks Ran The NFL: Part 2

  • The players would play topless in the pre-season
  • There would be a Ladies Night Game on a Friday (black tie optional)
  • Coffee Kiosks featuring Irish coffee, Kahlua coffee, and Lattes would be set up on every level.
  • Cliff notes would appear on the JumboTron to explain the ref's call
  • The home team would sponsor after the game tailgate parties.
  • The networks would sponsor "The Most Ridiculous Fan Costume" contest to liven up the broadcast and offset the idiot announcers.
  • The Super Bowl would always be held on Saturday, it's a better day to party
  • The day after the Super Bowl would become a National Holiday in observance America's overindulgence.
  • The NFL would make the ball on a field goal do that blue zoom thing like the hockey puck on Fox. That would be so cool.
  • All outdoor stadium seats would have built in heaters.
  • There would be small TV screens and/or headphones built into the seats so no one has to sit next to or behind somebody with a radio on their lap.
  • All unsold seats in a stadium would be sold for $1 the last 12 hours before kickoff. Have the networks pass on the cost to the stupid advertisers.
  • There would be more concessions for food/beverages sponsored by corporations, with a lot easier access. Every available corner of every stadium ought to have a food and drink booth.
  • Give away all unsold seats to youth groups in the community. The NFL and the TV Networks pick up the tab.
  • Install oxygen tanks in the parking lot outhouses, whew.
  • Sell family package season tickets so that families can afford to go to the game.
  • Every team would hold an autograph session for kids before kickoff.
  • The "yellow" down marker so effective on TV would become a part of the stadium field so everyone would know exactly where the first down marker is.
  • Forget about the cheerleaders. Bring out some hot rock stars.
  • Raffle off a used team jersey to a lucky fan at every home game, proceeds to go to a Youth Group.
  • Set salary limits on all rookies for their first two years. Limit their signing bonuses and make them earn everything based on incentive clauses
  • Get rid of astro-turf in every stadium!
  • Pay the coaches by the hour! They don't get enough money.
  • Put Robin Roberts on MNF.
  • Allow all 10+ year veteran players to finish their careers with the team they earned their "stardom" with by waiving their salaries in the salary cap
  • Have chocolate bars sold in the stands the way they sell cotton candy, yum.

Follow this formula, gentlemen, and not only will attendance records exceed your expectations, you will also have enough revenue to continue your legal battles with Al Davis, forever.



-- Edited by darleneapd at 10:09, 2007-03-14

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Woo Hoo


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darleneapd wrote:

Part 2

If Chicks Ran The NFL: Part 2

  • The Super Bowl would always be held on Saturday, it's a better day to party
  • The day after the Super Bowl would become a National Holiday in observance America's overindulgence.
  • Forget about the cheerleaders. Bring out some clowns.

 


ok I am all for the top 2 I have here, but you lost my on the clown thing! They is scary!!!

 



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darleneapd


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I'll edit for your pleasure Woo, I don't like clowns much either.

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darleneapd


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Forget about the cheerleaders. Bring out some hot rock stars.



done.

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Woo Hoo


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darleneapd wrote:

Forget about the cheerleaders. Bring out some hot rock stars.



done.

 oooooh!



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MzHartz


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Yeah, I'd rather have the Chippendale dancers. Clowns creep me out.

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MzHartz


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Oh, that works too!!!!

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WebGuy


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Every game would have to have a different theme.

The tailgate parties would only be salads.

The bathrooms would have to be large enough to support all the women in the stadium at the same time because women all have to go to the bathroom together.



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darleneapd


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WebGuy wrote:



The bathrooms would have to be large enough to support all the women in the stadium at the same time because women all have to go to the bathroom together.





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Woo Hoo


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The tailgate parties would only be salads.


can i appeal this one? lol

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darleneapd


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part 3 to come..............

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Ruby


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darleneapd


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If Girls Ran the NFL part 3:


Ben Roethlisberger would be placed in a bubble for his own safety


Matt Leinart would have to go back to USC to get a lesson on safe sex


A calendar featuring the most fabulous 12 shirtless bodies in the NFL would be published in time for Christmas, with the proceeds benefiting the Fight Against Breast Cancer


Chris Berman would hire Michael Irving’s tailor


Bryant Gumble would be sent to detention and made to write on the board
“I won’t bite the hand that feeds me”


All comments regarding Terrell Owens’ behavior would be bleeped out of every broadcast


Donovan McNabb’s mom would be paid not to appear in Campbell’s Soup commercials


All Erectile Dysfunction commercials would be banned from all NFL games


The Gatorade commercial with Peyton Manning dripping sweat would be shown every time the Colts play


Female fans wearing pink team gear to the games would have to remove them, on the spot


Male fans would be banned from painting their fat bellies and exposing them to the world


Female football teams would hold a scrimmage during halftime


College overtime rules would be in effect


Joe Theismann would get zapped in the knee whenever he mentioned his illustrious NFL career.


The NFL Network wouldn’t assault our sensibilities with stories about the trials and tribulations of becoming a cheerleader, please…


Leslie Visser would be part of the NBC in-booth broadcasting team


There would be a Real Women Love Football Day


The pre-season would be reduced to three games


Every team would be allowed to keep 55 players on their active roster


The local blackout rule would be eliminated


All owners would be responsible for building new stadiums with private, not public funds


Fans would receive a list of rule changes as they enter the stadium for Opening Day


Sean John would redesign the new refs uniforms


Female team logo apparel would be sold in a boutique-like setting at the stadium with fitting rooms, free beer and baby-sitting services


Anyone who joined a fantasy league would be banned from watching the game in your house and rooting against your real team!



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