Members Login
Username 
 
Password 
    Remember Me  
Freeze-Frame Radio -> Freeze-Frame Radio Lounge -> Getting old
Post Info TOPIC: Getting old
Ruby


The Good Witch Of The South

    



Status: Offline
Posts: 19309
Date:
Getting old
Permalink  

Two elderly women were eating breakfast in a restaurant one morning. Ethel
noticed something funny about Mabel's ear and she said, '"Mabel, do you know
you've got a suppository in your left ear?"

Mabel answered, "I have a suppository in my ear?"

She pulled it out and stared at it. Then she said, "Ethel, I'm glad you saw
this thing. Now I think I know where to find my hearing aid."





When the husband finally died his wife put the usual death notice in the
paper, but added that he died of gonorrhea. No sooner were the papers
delivered when a friend of the family phoned and complained bitterly, "You
know very well that he died of diarrhea, not gonorrhea."

Replied the widow, "I nursed him night and day so of course I know he died
of diarrhea, but I thought it would be better for posterity to remember him
as a great lover rather than the big **** he always was."





An elderly couple were on a cruise and it was really stormy. They were
standing on the back of the boat watching the moon, when a wave came up and
washed the old woman overboard. They searched for days and couldn't find
her, so the captain sent the old man back to shore with the promise that he
would notify him as soon as they found something. Three weeks went by and
finally the old man got a fax from the boat. It read: "Sir, sorry to inform
you, we found your wife dead at the bottom of the ocean We hauled her up to
the deck and attached to her butt was an oyster and in it was a pearl worth
$50,000 . . please advise."

The old man faxed back: "Send me the pearl and re-bait the trap."





A funeral service is being held for a woman who has just passed away. At the
end of the service, the pall bearers are carrying the casket out when they
accidentally bump into a wall, jarring the casket. They hear a faint moan.
They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive! She lives
for ten more years, and then dies. Once again, a ceremony is held, and at
the end of it, the pall bearers are again carrying out the casket. As they
carry the casket towards the door, the husband cries out, "Watch that wall!"







When I went to lunch today, I noticed an old lady sitting on a park bench
sobbing her eyes out. I stopped and asked her what was wrong. She said, "I
have a 22 year old husband at home. He makes love to me every morning and
then gets up and makes me pancakes, sausage, fresh fruit and freshly ground
coffee."

I said, "Well, then why are you crying?"

She said, "He makes me homemade soup for lunch and my favorite brownies and
then makes love to me for half the afternoon."

I said, "Well, why are you crying?"

She said, "For dinner he makes me a gourmet meal with wine and my favorite
dessert and then makes love to me until 2:00 a.m."

I said, "Well, why in the world would you be crying?"

She said, "I can't remember where I live!"




Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years they
had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities
had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards.

One day they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, "Now
don't get mad at me. I know we've been friends for a long time.....but I
just can't think of your name! I've thought and thought, but I can't
remember it. Please tell me what your name is."

Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just stared and
glared at her. Finally she said, "How soon do you need to know?"



THE SENILITY PRAYER

Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway,
the good fortune to run into the ones I do,
and the eyesight to tell the difference.

__________________
This_egg_hatches_on_04/05/06!_Adopt_one_today_from_pickle-green.com/egraphics!
firefly


Reassuringly Expensive

Status: Offline
Posts: 1437
Date:
Permalink  

A funeral service is being held for a woman who has just passed away. At the
end of the service, the pall bearers are carrying the casket out when they
accidentally bump into a wall, jarring the casket. They hear a faint moan.
They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive! She lives
for ten more years, and then dies. Once again, a ceremony is held, and at
the end of it, the pall bearers are again carrying out the casket. As they
carry the casket towards the door, the husband cries out, "Watch that wall!"


This one is my favorite!laughing.gif

__________________
"I like rice. Rice is great if you are hungry and want 2000 of something." - mitch hedberg
Woo Hoo


The Chosen Woo

Status: Offline
Posts: 21048
Date:
Permalink  

I like the one about the 22yr old husband smile

__________________
"Am I speaking in a language you're not getting here?"
Lady Strange


80's Rock Chick

Status: Offline
Posts: 8789
Date:
Permalink  

firefly wrote:
A funeral service is being held for a woman who has just passed away. At the
end of the service, the pall bearers are carrying the casket out when they
accidentally bump into a wall, jarring the casket. They hear a faint moan.
They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive! She lives
for ten more years, and then dies. Once again, a ceremony is held, and at
the end of it, the pall bearers are again carrying out the casket. As they
carry the casket towards the door, the husband cries out, "Watch that wall!"

This one is my favorite!laughing.gif

Mine too.



__________________
"Tell me, does it move you, Does it soothe you, Does it fill your heart and soul with the roots of rock & roll?
When you can't get through it you can listen to it with a 'na na na na', Well I've been there before"
-"Been There Before" by Hanson
ghostdancer


Ghost In The Machine

Status: Offline
Posts: 9401
Date:
Permalink  

I like the Senility Prayer!  smile

__________________

Page 1 of 1  sorted by
 
Quick Reply

Please log in to post quick replies.
Freeze-Frame Radio -> Freeze-Frame Radio Lounge -> Getting old
Tweet this page Post to Digg Post to Del.icio.us


Create your own FREE Forum
Report Abuse 		Powered by ActiveBoard