Not Always Right - Freeze-Frame Radio

MzHartz · Permanent Vacation

Not Always Right

MzHartz · Permanent Vacation

I actually thought this was quite witty:

D For Dumb Enough To Deserve A Drink
Bar | Indiana, USA

(I work as a bouncer in a bar and check all IDs at the door. Indiana IDs dont include a middle name, just an initial.)

Me: Whats your full name?

Customer: Joe D. Smith.

Me: Whats your middle name?

Customer: DANGER!

(I let him in.)

WebGuy · Doesn't Do Windows

There are some good ones in there.

There is a guy that grew up here that is now a State Patrol Trooper not too far away. His parents still live here and told one of his stories.

He stopped a van on Interstate 80 one day and became suspicious so he had them open the back of the van. When opened, he found about 20 Mexicans jammed into this van.

He asked who spoke English and unfortunately none did. All any of them could say is "No English, No English."

He told them "Ok, here's what we are going to do. I'm only going to take those to jail that are wearing brown shoes." They all got nervous and stared looking at each other's feet to see who was wearing brown shoes.

Next he said "Ok, so, now that I know most of you do understand at least some English, lets try this again ...."

WebGuy · Doesn't Do Windows

This one made me literally laugh out loud:

Wesley Called, He Wants His Tan Back
Tanning Salon | Los Angeles, CA, USA

(Customer walks in and is a bright white Jewish guy with a big beard.)

Me: How may I help you?

Customer: Hi, my brother says you can give me a tan so I can look like Wesley Snipes.

Me: What?

Customer: You know Wesley Snipes, Hes got a great tan. It looks like hes a real black guy.

Me: Wesley Snipes IS a REAL black guy.

Customer: Yeah, because of the great tan hes got.

Me: Okay?

Customer: Look, I just need to be as dark as that guy so I can learn how to rap.

Me: You can learn how to rap without being black. Look at Eminem.

Customer: Are you gonna give me a tan or what? I have all the money to pay for it.

Me: Well, okay. If thats what you wantbut youre gonna have to shave off that beard and go to the jewelry shop across the street to buy a giant platinum chain with diamonds all over it.

Customer: Smart a**!

(So we put him through the spray tanner like ten times and made him pay 35 bucks for every time. We had almost gotten him as black as Wesley Snipes when our boss walked in and asked what the h*ll was going on. He said we had to shave all beards before starting the process. So, now this guy gets his beard shaved by my coworker and the result was the funniest thing I had ever seen in my life. He looked like a freaking raccoon!)

(The customer looks in the mirror.)

Customer: You sons of b**ches, you did this on purpose! You racist b**tards hate Jewish people! All I wanted was a f**king tan!

(The raccoon got dressed super fast and ran out)

MzHartz · Permanent Vacation

Oh, I like this one:

Me: Anything else I can get for you today?

Female Customer: Oh yeah! I need batteries?

Customers Boyfriend: What do you need batteries for?

Female Customer: I just need batteries, ok?

Me: D Cells?

Female Customer: Yeah

Customers Boyfriend: But really, what do you need batteries for?

WebGuy · Doesn't Do Windows

Weight Watchers Rejects
Pizza | Waco, TX, USA

Lady: How many slices come on the 8-inch pizza?

Waiter: Well usually we cut it into 6, but we can make it four, or eight or ten. Whatever you want.

Lady: Better just make it sixI dont think I can eat more than six slices.

Trish · The Procrastinating Red-Head

I laughed out loud at the Wesley Snipes one. I tried to access the link, but it won't let me do it here at work. I have a funny story of my own. I used to work as a bartender for a local tavern in a town of about 100 people. This kid comes in and orders a case of beer to go. I knew he wasn't 21, so I asked for ID. He said he didn't have it because he got a ticket. We aren't supposed to take tickets as ID, but I said I would look at it anyway. I looked at the birthdate and said "Hey, it says here you're only 19." To which he replied, "Oh, no, I'm 20!"