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Post Info TOPIC: Heard any good clean jokes lately?
Dylan


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RE: Heard any good clean jokes lately?
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Weftur,


Thanks for the set up my friend...you are okay....


You have renewed my faith in the humanity of Bear fans



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jstdve


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   2 ducks walk into a bar and the horse says ..says.. dang it,.. a guy carrying a duck says to the horse...  krap, ok ok ..here it goes - a duck carrying  a farmers daughter  orders a ....wait , thats not it,,k,,kk, got it.  a bartender shoots a duck and the farmer's daughter says to the horse...,  AAAGGHH ... 2 horses were bartender hunting when a duck came by carrying the farmers daughter and ......OOPS! just noticed these were supposed to be clean jokes....hmm...a farmers daughter was giveing her gun   a bath when a horse flew by carrying a duck...

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dave
Dylan


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Dave,


Thanks for all the possible permutations.


Quit "horsing" around and dont forget to "duck" if you ever tell that joke  in a stand up routine.




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jstdve


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  nyuk -nyuk  , which reminds me to ask .. who did  the curly shuffle ? was it asleep at the wheel ? ( oooh 1 for the play list ?)



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dave
Jeremy Riggs


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Dave, we have the CURLY SHUFFLE by the Jump N' The Saddle Band

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Dylan


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I believe it was Dave...The Three Stooges.  Now thats comedy.

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jstdve


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 thnx 4 info

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dave
star


The Goddess Of Gab

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What kind of key can't open a door?


 


a donkey!!



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Sparky


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What did God say when Jesus came running into the house and up the stairs?


Hey now! come back here and close the door, what were you born in a barn or something?



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Sometimes, when i'm lonely... i crawl into a laundry basket and tickle my ears. But, Some times I don't...
Dylan


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Wow!


Sparkmeister, watch out for any errant lightning bolts.



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Sparky


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That was actually told to us in church! I thought it was the worst joke ever!


Thought I would test it out here to see if it got the same reaction...



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Sometimes, when i'm lonely... i crawl into a laundry basket and tickle my ears. But, Some times I don't...
Dylan


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Comedy isn't always pretty Sparky.  But any PR you can give the Big Guy is a good thing! 



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WFTR


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I'll give you that one, Sparky, and go you one better.  CP will like this one.


Two older men and a young man are playing a round of golf.  They come two a tee with a huge water hazzard, and one of the older men goes first.  He drives the ball and PLOOP, right in the drink.  He walks to the edge of the hazzard,holds a 5 iron over his head, and the hazzard splits open.  He walks down to his ball and chips it on to the other shore.


The young man tees off, and PLOOP, right in the drink.  He walks out on to the hazzard, swirls his hand, his ball comes up to the surface, and he chips it on to the other shore.


The secind older man tees off and the ball is heading straight towards the water.  Suddenly a crow swoops down and plucks it from the air.  A huge gust of wind sends the bird sprawling and it drops the ball.  It lands of the back of a frog on the side of the hazzard, and it hops to the edge of the green.  A fox darts out, bites the frog on the bum, which causes it to hop extra high, hurling the ball into the cup.


The young man looks at the second older man and says, "Dad!  Play the game fair or don't play!"



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Dylan


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Weftur,


You do have a flair for the dramatic!



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star


The Goddess Of Gab

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I haven't but I didn't want this thread to die!

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Sparky


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Oh Star, Star, Star...

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Sometimes, when i'm lonely... i crawl into a laundry basket and tickle my ears. But, Some times I don't...
Dylan


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Here's a joke...


How does a guitar player make a million dollars?


 


He starts with eight million.



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Dylan


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Thanks for the set up Star!

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star


The Goddess Of Gab

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HERE IT IS, WEF.

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WFTR


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Inspired by Confuzzed's boss trouble.


A marketing agent has hit his stress limit and decides to take some R&R.  He always wanted to try hot air balooning so that is what he does.  After a few quick lessons he decides he want to go alone so he can unwind, but is in such a hurry that he neglects to grab a map.


After about an hour of daydreaming in the basket, he looks down and realizes he has no idea where he is!  He is surrounded by farm fields, but sees a man hiking down a country road.  He manuevers to balloon towards the hiker and says, "Excuse me!  Can you tell me where I am?"


"You're about 50 feet in the air, hovering in a hot air balloon." replies the hiker.


"You must be an engineer!" says the marketing man.


"Why, yes!" says the hiker, "How did you know?"


"Well," says the marketer, "Everything you told me is technically correct, but doesn't help me at all!  Thanks for nothing!"


"You must be in marketing." retorts the hiker.


"Yes!" says the balloon man, "How did you know?"


"You have no idea where you are, how you got here, or how to gat back.  I didn't have anything to do with your problem, but after one conversation, you've managed to make it my fault!  Have a good drift!"



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star


The Goddess Of Gab

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here's a good work one along the same line:


All the organs of the body were having a meething, trying todecide who was the one in charge.


The brain wanted to be incharge because it run's all the body's systems.  Without is nothing would happen.


Blood - circulates oxy. and w/ out they'd all waste away


Stomache - process food and give everyone energy.


Legs - carries body wherever it needs to go


eyes - allows the body to see where it goes


the rectum - responsible for waste removal


All the other body parts laughed at the rectum and insulted him, so in a huff he shut down tight. 


With in a few days, the brain -headache,  stomache - bloated, legs - wobbly, eyes -watery, blood - toxic.  They all decided the rectum should be the boss.


The moral of the story.


The A@$ hole is usually incharge!!



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Sparky


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Famous Last Words


 



  • Mister? How come there's no windows in your van?
  • Boy, in the everglades, your golf ball almost looks like an eye.
  • Mary Todd, I know it's boring. Give it till' intermission.
  • Mr. Gacy I'm done with your lawn.
  • Shaaaaaaaaron, some hippies need to use the phone.
  • Before we land ze airship…someone has a birthday!
  • Pssst LBJ. Marilyn likes me tan. Put the top down.
  • Ted you're drunk. Ted look at me.
  • Those paparazzi flashbulbs have got me seeing spots. Hey a dark tunnel!
  • A ham sandwich would be groovy. No. Nothing to drink.

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Sometimes, when i'm lonely... i crawl into a laundry basket and tickle my ears. But, Some times I don't...
MzHartz


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And infamous last words, "Hey ya'll, watch this!"

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Dylan


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When Albert Einstein was making the rounds on the speakers circuit, he usually found himself anxious to get back to his laboratory work.  One night , as they were driving to yet another rubber-chicken dinner, Einstein mentioned to his chauffeur ( a man that resembled Einstein in looks and manner) that he was tired of speech making.


     "I have an idea boss," the chauffeur said.  I have heard you give that speech so many times, I bet I could give it for you."  Einstein laughed loudly and said, "Why not? Lets do it!"  When they arrive at the dinner, Einstein dons the chauffeur's cap and jacket and quietly sits in the back of the room.  The chauffeur give a beautiful rendition of Einstein's speech and even answered a few questions expertly.


     Then a supremely pompous professor asks an esoteric question about anti-matter formation. He digressed here and there to let everyone in the audience know how smart he was. Without missing a beat, the chauffeur fixed the professor with a steely stare and said, "Sir, the answer to that question is so simple that I will let my chauffeur, who is sitting in the back , answer for me!"



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Dovetails


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Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?






He didn't have the guts!

(nothing like a little 4th grade humor on a Friday)



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star


The Goddess Of Gab

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DT-
Cute!

D-
Reminds me of Warhol.

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