<-----CP

When I was a kid (about 5) I had watched a movie about an abusive father, the next day I was in the store with my parents and decided it would be funny to blurt out "please don't beat me anymore Daddy, I promise I'll be a good boy"! The horror on my parents face and the fact we didn't go back to that store for a very long time I stopped doing that from then on.

 

Here's one of my favorites.

When I was in high school, we had a portable dish washer. Mom (rest her soul) would roll it into the kitchen in front of the sink and it would sit there and run. When it was finished, she'd roll it back into the utility room.

One day, the dish washer was running and something inside was banging against the spray arm every time it would come around. As I walked by, mom kept opening the door real quick to try to see what was banging around in there. Like all dish washers, you open the door and it quits running so she could never see what was making the noise.

Being the helpful guy that I am, I told her to just hold the door open and move the door latch over into the closed position so it would run with the door open. That didn't work. I looked at the door and found one more little switch that would get activated when the door was closed. I showed her that and told her to try and push in that switch.

As she was getting ready to push the switch, I started to think about the next step and what was about to happen. I took off running into the living room and looked back to see the show.

All I could see was my mom's back side as she had her head pretty much in the dish washer and water was violently spraying out of the thing. Water was spraying out from all around her and all over the kitchen. I remember my name being used in vain as she stood up and turned around. She was soaked in a matter of seconds. Her glasses were steamed over and so was her temper as the water dripped off her face.

She never did find out what was banging around in the dish washer.

I feel like I've told this one before on the forum, but if I did it was probably long before most of you were here.

When I was in grade school my folks got their first microwave oven, and when they were out shopping one day I decided to experiment with it.

I tried melting stuff in it, and tried various foods in there (I loved the fact you could dry out a peice of bread and basically turn it into a breadstick).

Well, I got the idea to try making a hard boiled egg, so I put the egg in there and nuked it for a few minutes.

When I pulled it out it was scorching hot, I remember I had to put it on a hot pad to hold it. So thinking I was being smart I held it over the kitchen sink to start peeling it, figuring if it didn't work the goo would drip into the sink.

I peeled off a little part of shell and saw that it did indeed look like it was hard boiled, so I peeled of another peice of shell and the thing BLEW UP IN MY FACE like a grenade. The rush of heat on my face was so intense I thought for sure I was burned and ran into the bathroom to douse my face with a wet towel.

When I went back into the kitchen I saw the egg particles were all over the ceiling and the ceiling fan. I wasn't tall enough to reach the ceiling with a chair, so I just cleaned off the ceiling fan as best I could. While I was doing that I heard the folks coming in the door.

I never said anything about the incident, and it had to be over a year later when I first heard my Mom call my Dad into the kitchen "Al, look at the ceiling, what do you think that is?"

They of couse asked me about it and I just said "I don't know"

My Mom wound up cleaning it up, but by that time it was so old and crusty she had no idea what it originally was :)

Punishment averted, lesson learned.

Ray's story reminds me of the rivalry we had with another small town team. After a big game we would gather in the Mcd's parking lot. A bus from the other town pulled in and almost all of them went inside. There was about 10 of us and a handfull of them came over to start a fight. Not a good idea. After all said and done one of the mothers came running outside and asked who hit my son! Being the smart alleck I am I said I think we all did at least once... well maybe twice.

In the 9th grade we used to have a class called Basic Electricity. We all had our own boards with various switches and light bulbs and circuits on them. We had one kid in our class that noone liked so we would always switch his wires around to give him a jolt. One day it popped and sparked and the whole schools electricity went out.

that reminds me of one.....

In my aunts and uncles attic, the cousins had a bb gun rifle. There was an old over-sized parka that one of us would wrap up in and then get shot at. You didn't even feel the shot, it was just cool to run around up there shooting and getting shot.

Well eventually my uncle went looking for his old parka. When he found it, it was completely shot up and had probably 30 pounds of bbs in it. We never saw the gun again. 25 yrs later if it get bought up in one of those "good old days" conversations, he can still get mad about that-

"GEEZE YOU KIDS WERE BONEHEADS. BY GOD YOU KIDS WERE BONE HEADS!!!!"  

Man, I was too good of a kid!  Thinking back to all of the times I was spanked, grounded, etc., it was for stuff like not getting a dish clean, or coming home late from a friends, or dating someone that I was told not to date.

The only funny childhood story I can think of is when I was really sick one time and had a fever of 104.  I was sleeping in the living room so I would be closer to the bathroom.  Well, I got up to go to the bathroom, and in my mind, I was halfway through the living room, but for some reason there was this invisible barrier and I couldn't get any farther.  I started to painic, so I started yelling, "I can't find my way!"  My mom's boyfriend came out to help me and found me walking into the entertainment center.  I just kept walking and couldn't get through!

Mz that reminds me of another one.  I didn't want to go to school one day, so I got the hot steam vaproizer and held my face in front of it for as long as I could stand it.  Mom put the thermometer in my mouth, the old fasioned kind.  My temperature was normal despite my hot face.  So I stuck the thermometer right at the base of the vapor.  The stupid thing shattered with the heat.  So here comes mom, I have a broken thermometer with mercury in the resivoir.  I shoved it all under the bed.  Mom asked what happened to the thermometer and I said that I sneezed while I had it in my mouth and showed her the shattered glass.  Next thing I know I am at the hospital getting my stomach pumped and they began treating me for mercury poisioning.  It was quite painful, but there was no turning back.  I never did fess up to what I really did.

I was an idiot and was not ready to take the test.

I thought so too at the time! Nowadays they probably would have thrown him in jail!

My friend's little girl asked her daddy in the restaurant why the black man looked burned.