So it's Monday - Freeze-Frame Radio

Mad Mema · Bad Biker Granny

RE: So it's Monday

MzHartz · Permanent Vacation

Mema, do you ever listen to or watch Christopher Titus' stand up? It's a lot better than his TV show ever was. I think you'd like it.

His first one, Norman Rockwell is bleeding, starts out with:
The Los Angeles Times reported that sixty-three percent of American families are now considered dysfunctional. Good. 'Cause that means when Armageddon *really* happens, thirty-seven percent of this population is going to *lose their minds*. "Oh my God, the world is over!" Us sixty-three percent? We're going to go, "Hey... there's no one watching the Lexus dealership! We're going to the Apocalypse with leather and a CD changer!"

Another quote:
My father? A hard drinking man from the 70's. We actually have no pictures of my dad where he is *not* holding a beer. Weddings, Funerals, Water Skiing, Parent-Teacher Conference.

MzHartz · Permanent Vacation

Mad Mema wrote:
To the best of my recollection, I was only spanked once. At that, I had to be told that I was spanked too because I only remember my mom spanking my sister. Apparently I didn't get upset about being spanked myself as it didn't make that much of an impression, what I remember was going spastic about my sister getting spanked moments later. I guess mom found my reaction to that rather off-putting.

Somewhere later down the line, I was maybe 6 or 7, mom overheard a conversation between me and one of my friends in which my friend asked me what I would do if my parents ever hit me. I said I guess it would depend on why I was getting hit. If I did something wrong and got hit for it, I'd have to take that. If I didn't deserve it, I'd probably hit them back. That pretty well sealed the deal for my mother... she was not going to try spanking me again. I didn't know she overheard that, much less did I remember the conversation until she brought it up years later after stopping Donald from trying to hit me. She said I was the only one of her children who ever frightened her because she knew I meant what I said.

I broke up my share of physical altercations between Donald and my brother or sister, and between my brother and sister, but only nearly came to blows with him once myself. As stated above, he was about to come at me and mom told him it would be ill advised at best. Unlike my brother and sister, I would not be likely to show him any mercy. For whatever reason, he decided to heed that warning and take my advice to leave of his own free will rather than be thrown through the front door... whether it was open or not.

I was too scared of my stepdad to ever think of doing anything back. I was tiny. He lifted weights and worked on cars. No, I take that back, there were two times, one when I tried to run, and one when I tried to fight back. I didn't suceed either time. I could take him now though, I'm sure of that.

WebGuy · Doesn't Do Windows

If I remember right, the last butt kickin' I got from my father happened in the yard in front of our house. Mom was making me do something I didn't want to do and I was cussin' up a storm as I was going out to do whatever it was. As I stomped past a farm implement parked there, I happened to look down and noticed my dad laying under it working on it. Just as I saw him, he was crawling out to come after me.

At the time, I thought "yeah, I got caught, and I deserved it." Now I think back and realize that I was doing EXACTLY what he did when he got mad. I think of that every once in a while when I'm about to get after my son for something then I stop in those times when I realize that he's acting just like me.

MzHartz · Permanent Vacation

WebGuy wrote:

If I remember right, the last butt kickin' I got from my father happened in the yard in front of our house. Mom was making me do something I didn't want to do and I was cussin' up a storm as I was going out to do whatever it was. As I stomped past a farm implement parked there, I happened to look down and noticed my dad laying under it working on it. Just as I saw him, he was crawling out to come after me.

At the time, I thought "yeah, I got caught, and I deserved it." Now I think back and realize that I was doing EXACTLY what he did when he got mad. I think of that every once in a while when I'm about to get after my son for something then I stop in those times when I realize that he's acting just like me.

That's good that you can recognize that. I think that's a rare trait.

confuzzed · Permanent State of Confusion

It is nice to know that I am not the only one. I can related to pieces of everyone.

We are one big dysfunctional family. Hey, I kind of like it. We don't seem to be that way with each other though. Perhaps it has something to do with us being spread out and not spending "family" time together. Either way, I like you guys and I'm going to keep stalking, er I mean, hanging out with you.

MzHartz · Permanent Vacation

It still seems pretty awesome to me (I use that work lightly a lot, but this time I really mean "full of awe") that we're all still friends after all this time. We are like a family here. I hope someday we do get to actually meet each other.

Mad Mema · Bad Biker Granny

As Pambo told me long ago, "There is the family that you are born to and then there is the family that you choose. The family you are born to is not necessarily always the best people for you." . I truly believe that is correct. I love my "born to" family, but am always more comfortable with my chosen family. You all are my chosen family I happen to have yet to meet in person.

Mad Mema · Bad Biker Granny

MzHartz wrote:
Mema, do you ever listen to or watch Christopher Titus' stand up? It's a lot better than his TV show ever was. I think you'd like it.

His first one, Norman Rockwell is bleeding, starts out with:
The Los Angeles Times reported that sixty-three percent of American families are now considered dysfunctional. Good. 'Cause that means when Armageddon *really* happens, thirty-seven percent of this population is going to *lose their minds*. "Oh my God, the world is over!" Us sixty-three percent? We're going to go, "Hey... there's no one watching the Lexus dealership! We're going to the Apocalypse with leather and a CD changer!"

Another quote:
My father? A hard drinking man from the 70's. We actually have no pictures of my dad where he is *not* holding a beer. Weddings, Funerals, Water Skiing, Parent-Teacher Conference.

I saw a few of his stand-up acts back when he had the show. I enjoy his comedy... I can relate!

Mad Mema · Bad Biker Granny

MzHartz wrote:
Mad Mema wrote:
I was too scared of my stepdad to ever think of doing anything back. I was tiny. He lifted weights and worked on cars. No, I take that back, there were two times, one when I tried to run, and one when I tried to fight back. I didn't suceed either time. I could take him now though, I'm sure of that.

Donald used to scare the crap out of me when I was little because of his temper and the yelling. When I got a little older, maybe 9 or 10, I started to get the idea that there was something seriously awry in his head. Couldn't have put a name to it, but I knew he wasn't right. With that realization came the idea that if push came right on down to shove, I would not have a choice but to fight him to protect myself and the rest of my family. Accepting that premise got me on the road to changing my attitude. Took some time, but I stopped being afraid and started getting angry. A few years down the road, I figured out I was strong enough to overpower him if I had to... because I in fact had to. He never tried to mess with me again until the near altercation when I was 15. From that point forward, I only saw him maybe once or twice a year and if he spoke to me he was exceedingly polite.

MzHartz · Permanent Vacation

Mad Mema wrote:
MzHartz wrote:
Mad Mema wrote:
I was too scared of my stepdad to ever think of doing anything back. I was tiny. He lifted weights and worked on cars. No, I take that back, there were two times, one when I tried to run, and one when I tried to fight back. I didn't suceed either time. I could take him now though, I'm sure of that.
Donald used to scare the crap out of me when I was little because of his temper and the yelling. When I got a little older, maybe 9 or 10, I started to get the idea that there was something seriously awry in his head. Couldn't have put a name to it, but I knew he wasn't right. With that realization came the idea that if push came right on down to shove, I would not have a choice but to fight him to protect myself and the rest of my family. Accepting that premise got me on the road to changing my attitude. Took some time, but I stopped being afraid and started getting angry. A few years down the road, I figured out I was strong enough to overpower him if I had to... because I in fact had to. He never tried to mess with me again until the near altercation when I was 15. From that point forward, I only saw him maybe once or twice a year and if he spoke to me he was exceedingly polite.

I didn't really get to that point until I had moved out of that house, at which point it didn't matter. It might have made a difference if he ever treated my sister or mom the way he treated me. I never felt empowered enough to do anything about it.

I'm curious, what kind of households did your friends have? I wonder if that has an influence too. My best friend lived alone with her dad, who was a drunk and druggie. When she was a teenager, I know they got in a couple fights. And then my other best friend lived in a weirdly disfunctional household. She was never in any danger, but her parents definitely had mental issues. They couldn't keep jobs, were hoarders, and had tons of cats. I had some "normal" friends too, but I had enough friends in similar situations that I don't think I ever considered that I could have anything different.

I also had a stepbrother who lived with his mom and my dad (before they divorced). Sometimes he would whine about the rules there and say that his dad was nicer. So I just thought that it was a case of greener grass. Looking back, I think his dad just spoiled him (my dad spoiled me a little too) since the visits were just short weekend visits.

Mad Mema · Bad Biker Granny

When I was a little kid, my best friend (the one with whom I had the conversation about getting hit) actually lived in a fairly "normal" family consisting of her mom and her step-dad (real dad wasn't in the picture, I'm not sure what was up with that), sometimes her much older step-brother who was a bit troubled, but probably not more than any other kid in his late teens/early 20's. They did stuff together, had a place down at the lake where we would sometimes go during the summer... close to normal as you can get. They ended up marrying her off before we got out of high school so they could retire to the lake. The other kids in the neighborhood had seemingly normal 2-parent families.

When I was in 6th grade, I was actually at a friend's house when her dad decided to move out. My friend was devastated. I wasn't sure what to say or do. It was more or less my dream that Donald would blow for the doors. Clearly, this was not how she felt. Her parents ultimately ended up divorced. I spent a lot of time with her and one or the other parent over the years. They were good to me. Mike, her dad, was my favorite high school teacher. To this day, he's still a mess though. Married the lady he left his first wife for, then they separated but never legally divorced. He moved to Seattle for a while, then moved back in with wife #2... in the basement of course, then moved out. Not sure where he is these days. Its probably been a year since I've heard from him. Her mom ended up remarried and is doing quite well from what I understand.

Seems like over the course of time most of my friend's parents were divorced or there was a step-parent in there. To the best of my recollection, none of the rest of the parents I knew had drug or alcohol problems. Donald was the only parent I knew who spent most of his time drunk. That was pretty embarrassing. Needless to say, I spent a lot of time at my friends' houses as opposed to having them over to mine.

I wouldn't say I ever actually felt empowered to do anything about Donald. It was more like feeling compelled to do something. I honestly tried to avoid him as much as possible because he was crazy. Sometimes it was just not possible. My brother and sister were always actively involved in fighting with each other or with him, so clearly they weren't going to make it stop. My mom would just stand there telling everyone to stop, but from a safe distance and without effect. Left me no choice but to be the one jumping in the middle and breaking it up.

Mad Mema · Bad Biker Granny

I don't think it was the influence of other people that had the biggest impact on how I viewed and dealt with Donald. I think the biggie was when I figured out that he was not right in the head. It didn't make me like him any better but it did alter my view of him from someone to be feared into someone to have to be monitored and managed. That being a huge burden for a young kid ultimately skewed my emotional spectrum... this is one of those "I'm not so sure this is a good thing" items. The practical upshot is that because of living in that environment and dealing with the things I had to deal with, I don't register fear appropriately. Behaviors that frighten most people and would cause them to tend to run away don't have that effect on me. They just make me incredibly and irrationally angry, therefore I respond accordingly. Fortunately, I've never come out on the losing end any of those situations. Let's just say it is probably a miracle that I have never been shot.