Baking cookies with your cat! 1. Look in cookbook for cookie recipe. 2. Get cup of coffee. 3. Get cat off of cookbook. 4. Find that special recipe. 5. Get cat's nose out of coffee mug. 6. Go to fridge and get eggs. 7. Get dry ingredients from cupboard. 8. Break eggs in small bowl. 9. Sift dry ingredients in large bowl. 10. Answer the phone. 11. Cat ate eggs; get more from fridge. 12. Get cat out of flour bowl and dust cat off. 13. Get Band-Aids for scratches on hands. 14. Throw flour out and get more. 15. Preheat oven for cookies. 16. Looking at cat & wanting to bake cat now. Cat runs for cover into bathroom. 17. Flour the counter to roll out cookie dough. 18. Big crash in bathroom; run to see what happened. 19. Cat has TP all over floor; stuff spilled and knocked over on top of bathroom counter. 20. Yell at cat. Cat falls in toilet bowl. 21. Can sense cat is angry. 22. Take cat out of toilet to dry cat off. 23. Get bandages to cover more scratches on arms and legs. 24. Cleanup bathroom. 25. Hear a thump in kitchen ... Oh Golly ... now what? 26. Get cat off floured counter in kitchen. 27. Try to pick out cat hairs from flour. 28. Step on cat's tail and get bitten. 29. Get coat, car keys, and go to store to buy cookies!!!
That one's stretching it. This one's more like it:
Wrapping presents with help from your cat: 1 Clear a large space on a table or worktop for wrapping your present.
2 Go to cupboard and collect bag in which present is contained, and shut door.
3 Open door and remove cat from cupboard.
4 Go to cupboard and retrieve rolls of wrapping paper.
5 Go back and remove cat from cupboard.
6 Go to drawer, and collect sellotape, ribbon, scissors, labels, etc..
7 Lay out present and wrapping materials on table, to enable wrapping strategy to be performed in a logical manner.
8 Go back to drawer to get string, remove cat that has been in the drawer since last visit and place string on table.
9 Remove boxed present from paper bag.
10 Remove cat from paper bag.
11 Open box to check present is in it, remove cat from box, replace present in box.
12 Lay out paper to enable cutting to size.
13 Try and smooth out paper, discover cat is underneath and remove cat.
14 Cut paper to size, keeping the cutting line as straight as possible.
15 Discard first sheet of paper due to cat chasing scissors and tearing paper.
16 Cut second sheet of paper to size and restrain cat by putting it in bag present came in.
17 Place present on paper.
18 Lift up edges of paper to seal in present. Wonder why edges don't reach. Discover cat is between present and paper. Remove cat.
19 Place heavy object on paper to hold in place while tearing sellotape to length.
20 Spend fifteen minutes carefully trying to remove sellotape from Cat.
21 Seal paper with sellotape, making corners as neat as possible.
22 Look for roll of ribbon. Chase cat down hall in order to retrieve ribbon.
23 Try to wrap present and tie ribbon in a pretty bow.
24 Re-tie ribbon and remove paper, which is now ripped due to cat's enthusiastic ribbon chase.
25 Repeat steps 13 - 20 until you are down to your last sheet of paper.
26 Decide to skip steps 13 - 17 in order to save time and reduce risk of losing last sheet of paper. Retrieve old cardboard box that is the right size for sheet of paper.
27 Put present in box, and secure with string.
28 Remove string, open box and remove cat.
29 Put all packing materials in bag with present and head for bathroom.
30 Once inside bathroom, lock door and start to lay out paper and materials.
31 Remove cat from box, unlock door, put cat outside door, close and re-lock.
32 Repeat previous step as often as is necessary until you can clearly hear cat on other side of locked door.
33 Lay out last sheet of paper. (This will be difficult if you have a small bathroom, but do your best).
34 Discover cat has already torn paper. Unlock door, go out and hunt through various cupboards, looking for sheet of last year's paper. Then remember you haven't got any because cat helped wrap present last year as well.
35 Return to bathroom, lock door, sit on lavatory and try to make torn sheet of paper look presentable.
36 Seal box, wrap with paper and repair by very carefully sealing with sellotape. Attach pretty ribbon and decorate with additional bows to hide worst areas.
37 Label present. Sit back and admire your handiwork, congratulating yourself on completing a difficult job.
38 Unlock door, and go to kitchen to make stiff drink and feed cat.
39 Spend twenty minutes looking for cat until coming to obvious conclusion.
40 Unwrap present, untie box and remove cat.
41 Have several more stiff drinks. Then go buy a gift bag.
