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JD The Jazz Doctor


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Something Dumb I Did
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Hey!


Time to fess up! Yes we are all geniuses (obviously)- but while are minds are preoccupied with solving the world's issues; there MUST have been times when common-sense escaped us when our minds were somewhere else solving the world's problems!


Here's an example what I mean-


Oftentimes, I will dispose of leftover food by flushing it down the toilet, before washing the dishes. In many cases I can avoid having to throw out a bag of garbage in the (-8 degree frigid, snowy,dark, icy,) evening if I do so.


I once had a pot-full of little red potatoes that weren't used on time. I flushed these. Cooked little red potatoes float because they are bouyant. The toilet was plugged for 3 days- I plunged, snaked, but it must have took 100+ flushes to finally clear the potatoes floating in my toilet drain-pipe. I bet the toilet overflowed the bowl 15 times; not even plunging stopped this from happening.


This must have been 5 yrs ago that this happened, and its on my mind this afternoon as I flush left-overs; but its a life lesson I wish to share with you all- don't flush red potatoes.


Thank you. I have a 128 I.Q. by the way- 2 points short of genius. YEP!



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"And like Web, I enjoy throwing JR under the bus.  Problem is, it's usually under the special bus that I ride every day". Ghostdancer 12-18-09
MzHartz


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Wow, can I contribute to this thread!!!! There was one time I was just getting over being sick and brought some cough syrup into work. I took some in the morning, and put it in my desk drawer. In the afternoon, when I was time to take more, I took it out of my desk drawer and shook it. Apparently I didn't screw the cap on tight the first time, because cough syrup went everywhere! In my hair, down my shirt, all over my keyboard... It even stained the white bra I was wearing! And it ruined my keyboard and I had to get a new one. Luckily, everyone felt sorry for my cherry smelling goodness, and I didn't get in trouble for it.

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MzHartz


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Okay, I've got another! I had an older car that my then boyfriend (now husband) would take rides out to the country in. Well one night, coming back, my instrument panel didn't light up. So, I changed the fuse, and it still didn't work. So I took it to the mechanic. He checked it over when I was there, checking all the wires, connections, etc, and couldn't find anything. Finally, he pointed to a little dial next to my headlights and said, "Have you tried turning that?" I never even noticed it was there! Sure enough, it controlled the brightness of the instrument panel, and I could see it just fine. Man, I felt like a dumb woman driver!

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JD The Jazz Doctor


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ah yes! cough-syrup at work! A bad time for MZ!


I once had a bad coughing spell; and I knew I was disturbing others (yes I am considerate), so I went to Walgreens & got a bottle of Robotussin, slammed 1/2 of it or so because business is business. Yes the coughing was done, & quick, but the slow-motion relay of reality and the purple monkey jumping on my shoulder should have provided ample warning that I should have taken the day off...fever and o.d. is not a good combination!  



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"And like Web, I enjoy throwing JR under the bus.  Problem is, it's usually under the special bus that I ride every day". Ghostdancer 12-18-09
MzHartz


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Oh, I know better than to take more than the recommended dose, that stuff knocks me out!!

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JD The Jazz Doctor


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Once I've found myself looking for the "damn" hammer to hang a picture; and it was in my hand....

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"And like Web, I enjoy throwing JR under the bus.  Problem is, it's usually under the special bus that I ride every day". Ghostdancer 12-18-09
MzHartz


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I think we've all done that! I'm good at looking for the pen I've stuck behind my ear...

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JD The Jazz Doctor


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LOL although I didn't take it to that extreme, I've been there mz WHY IS MY DASH OUT OMG! then I remember the dial is right where my knee is upon entry....

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"And like Web, I enjoy throwing JR under the bus.  Problem is, it's usually under the special bus that I ride every day". Ghostdancer 12-18-09
Jeremy Riggs


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Many times I've searched high and low for my sunglasses... that I was wearing.

I wear them CONSTANTLY, so I'm just used to them being on. When the sun gets really bright I often go fumbling around for my glasses in the overhead compartment, or the glove compartment, eventually realizing I'm already wearing them and this is as "shaded" as it gets.

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WebGuy


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Two years ago this spring, I was blowing snow for our daycare lady. It was a wet, heavy snow. The 2nd stage of the blower got plugged. I disengaged the impeller and waited. I thought, "It's stopped by now" and reached in to clear out the clog.

Now, when Mrs. Web has an itch on her back, she asks for a "nine nail scratch" as the middle finger on my left had is a little malformed.



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confuzzed


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It just seems to be a proven fact that smart people (including all you people) can lack common sense quite often. There are a few exceptions. I have a friend that is finishing up law school and I am always pointing out the obvious to her. It can be one of the only times I feel just as smart as my friends. By the way, my other best friend is a doctor....

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MzHartz


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I do that too, JR! Except, when I'm not wearing my sunglasses, they are on top of my head. I have permenant indentations of where my sunglasses lay on top of my head! (Hopefully I never go bald...)

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Mad Mema


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One of the first things I do upon waking is put on my glasses... hence, more than once I have got in the shower still wearing them.



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MM

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Molly


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I've done that too, Mema! I'm practically blind without my glasses or contacts. (I should've went into teaching, then I really would be the absent-minded professor.)

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Mad Mema


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The other one I'm famous for is locking my keys in my truck.  I developed a really bad habit of dropping they keys on the floorboard when I park in the garage at home.  Unfortunately for me, I tend to carry that over to the parking garage at work sometimes.  The good news is that I recognize this little mental dysfunction and have the forsight to have keyless entry (keypad on the door).  Pambo gets really amused watching me freak out over trying to find my keys.

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That which does not kill me postpones the inevitable.
Molly


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You know, this thread is really making me look ditzy...

Speaking of keys: I used to be really good at locking my keys in my house or my car (more often my house). I started keeping two sets of keys on me, so when I locked one in, I still had another set to retrieve the ones I had locked away. When I got a new car, I went to the store to get a copy made, and I locked the original in the car!

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Pambo


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It IS pretty funny when Mema freaks. 

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MzHartz


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Okay, I give up, I am a friggin idiot! For some dumb reason, I opened my juice bottle and left the cap just sitting on top without even drinking from it. So then of course I forgot I opened it, grabbed it, and shook. Now I smell like strawberry banana and my hair is sticky...

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Pambo


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Here's one I'll never forget (Mema won't let me).


Mema & I went to our regular barbecue joint.  We always get the same thing, the burnt end plate with beans & fries.  Tasty!  As usual, we grabbed another bottle of sauce because, though there was enough sauce on the meat, we always need MORE...because it's SO good!  I put my plate on the table, put extra sauce on the plate & began chowing.  I got to a piece of meat that was a bit tough so I had to use a knife on it.  About 2 cuts into the meat & it slipped from beneath my fork.  This caused what I now call "The Tidal Wave".  "The Tidal Wave" crashed upon my blouse...which was, of course, white.  I was covered from collar to waist with lovely reddish brown barbeque sauce.  So, after much hysterical laughter, I went into the bathroom & tried to clean up.  Uh uh.  Waste of time.  I just smeared it around.  I went out of the bathroom & had some more hysterical laughter.  Mema & I decided that we had to go buy me a new shirt. 


The new shirt shopping was interesting in itself.  It was downpouring outside so the used-to-be-white BBQ smeared shirt became see-through.  I stepped in a hole & got water inside my shoes & up to my shins.  More hysterical laughter...THEN...we went into the store.  Since we were on our lunch hour, it was just supposed to be a drive-by shopping.  I didn't have time to try anything on so I grabbed 6 different white shirts & called it good.  (I figured I could take back anything that I didn't want.  No big deal.) 


Mema was driving & I was putting on shirts as we were going down the road.  First shirt.  Big black mark on it.  More hysterical laughter.  2nd shirt.  Orangy colored spot on it.  More hysterical laughter.  3rd shirt.  WAY too tight.  Mema said something about being slapped in the back with 2 cruise missiles.  More laughter.  Finally, the 4th shirt worked which was good because the 5th had a hole in it & the 6th was missing a button.  More laughter.  Sometime in this whole mess we ended up calling in to work to tell them we were going to be "a bit late" from lunch & that we'd explain later.  Of course the ENTIRE group was waiting for us when we got back.  I was mortified & Mema had a great ol' time telling them about our lunch escapade. 



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Molly


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You know, I should do all my shopping as drive-by shopping, because I tend to make really good choices that way:

Here's another life lesson: No matter what you're involved in, it's never more important than rolling up your car windows. One time at work I was in the middle of a project when someone told me it looked like rain. I replied that I'd go roll up the car windows "in a second." Well, the rain was a second sooner than I was. The car got soaked, I got soaked, and I had a presentation that afternoon, so I had to get some replacement clothes.

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Mad Mema


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HEHEHEHE!  I LOVE that story!  The one part that Pambo left out was that while we were driving back from the store, somewhere between the 3rd and 4th shirt, I heard a horn honking... it was my husband driving by the other direction.  He called me when I got back to my desk to ask what I was doing over that direction, why Pambo was half nekkid in the passenger seat of my truck, and what was making me laugh so hard?  I told him... he said we shouldn't be allowed in public without supervision or at least a camcorder. 


Now, when Pambo wears a white shirt to work I just point at her and say, "Hey! BBQ for lunch?" to which she responds, "I hate you so bad!"


 


 


 



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That which does not kill me postpones the inevitable.
JD The Jazz Doctor


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these are some great stories here!



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"And like Web, I enjoy throwing JR under the bus.  Problem is, it's usually under the special bus that I ride every day". Ghostdancer 12-18-09
Pambo


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Something dumb I did this morning....


The button on my pants broke this morning.  I wore them anyway.  Now I find out they don't have a decent zipper.  This is gonna be an interesting day. 



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Mad Mema


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The best one I can really think of on me was the morning I locked myself out of my house. It was early on one brisk fall morning and I had gone out to warm up the car before leaving for work. My car keys and house keys were on two different chains... alas, the housekey was on the coffee table. 


At the time, I was living in one of those little 1950's style cracker box ranch houses.  It was unmercifully easy to break into because the windows fairly low to the ground.  I figured, "No problemo... I'll just go in through the bedroom window (it wasn't closed very well) and retrieve my keys. So, I got the window open and I'm trying to climb my fat arse up through it when I hear the distinctive click the hammer of a .45 semi-automatic pistol being cocked very near my right ear and a loud male voice yelling "HOLD IT RIGHT THERE, LADY! LET GO OF THAT WINDOW!"   I figured that was probably an admirable suggestion, so I let go... and fell flat on my back on the humongous vining rose bush beside the house.  (Thank God for the leather coat I was wearing!!) Yep... you guessed it.  I almost got arrested for trying to break into my own house.  One of my "helpful" neighbors called in and reported a break and entry in progress.  It took a bit of explaining, but I did get the officer (now somewhat embarrassed) to give me a boost through the window.


Man, I'm glad I moved!!



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MM

That which does not kill me postpones the inevitable.
Molly


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It sounds like a pretty safe neighborhood, though!

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WebGuy


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I just did a good one.

Saturday, Mrs. Web did "dog roll patrol" on the back yard and had scooped up a plastic grocery bag of dog poop. She tied it up and set it by the corner of the garage to go out in tomorrow's trash.

As I was on the way out this morning, she said "When you are blowing snow, don't forget that bag of poop is out there".

Well, guess what . . . I forgot. Once I heard the frozen chunks going through the blower, I suddenly remembered. The bag of poop that she picked up from the back yard is now ground up into small pieces and spread all over the front yard.

Ummm . . . oops.




-- Edited by WebGuy at 14:25, 2005-11-29

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Pambo


Waiting To Be Widowed

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That one made me laugh out loud!  Sorry, man!

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Mad Mema


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OH DANG! LMAO!  That is one of those things that just makes you do the Homer Simpson "D'OH!"

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MM

That which does not kill me postpones the inevitable.
confuzzed


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Web - fertilizer is best when applied before it snows. Just trying to be helpful.

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WebGuy


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LOL- It was funny watching it fly.

Mrs. Web just shook her head at me.

That bag of poop was the LAST thing on my mind at the moment.

It will melt in by spring.


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