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Post Info TOPIC: Worrying about your kids
Ruby


The Good Witch Of The South

    



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Worrying about your kids
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Is there a magic cutoff period when
offspring become accountable for their own
actions? Is there a wonderful moment when
parents can become detached spectators in
the lives of their children and shrug, "It's
their life," and feel nothing?

When I was in my twenties, I stood in a hospital
corridor waiting for doctors to put a few
stitches in my son's head. I asked, "When do
you stop worrying?" The nurse said,
"When they get out of the accident stage." My
mother just smiled faintly and said nothing.

When I was in my thirties, I sat on a little
chair in a classroom and heard how one of my
children talked incessantly, disrupted the class,
and was headed for a career making
license plates. As if to read my mind, a teacher said, "Don't worry, they all go through
this stage and then you can sit back, relax and
enjoy them." My mother just smiled
faintly and said nothing.

When I was in my forties, I spent a lifetime
waiting for the phone to ring, the cars to come
home, the front door to open. A friend said,
"They're trying to find themselves. Don't
worry, in a few years, you can stop worrying.
They'll be adults." My mother just smiled
faintly and said nothing.

By the time I was 50, I was sick & tired of being
vulnerable. I was still worrying over my
children, but there was a new wrinkle. There
was nothing I could do about it. My
mother just smiled faintly and said nothing. I
continued to anguish over their failures, be
tormented by their frustrations and absorbed in
their disappointments.

My friends said that when my kids got married I
could stop worrying and lead my own
life. I wanted to believe that, but I was
haunted by my mother's warm smile and her
occasional, "You look pale. Are you all right?
Call me the minute you get home. Are
you depressed about something?"

Can it be that parents are sentenced to a
lifetime of worry? Is concern for one another
handed down like a torch to blaze the trail of
human frailties and the fears of the
unknown? Is concern a curse or is it a virtue
that elevates us to the highest form of life?

One of my children became quite irritable
recently, saying to me, "Where were you? I've
been calling for 3 days, and no one answered.
I was worried." I smiled a warm smile.
The torch has been passed.

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disco strangler


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i was just wondering this yesterday when my daughter called me with some news i was hoping we wouldn't have to deal with until after she graduated from college.  now we have a new situation to worry about and it is making me hurt inside.  she's not pregnant -- that would be a walk in the park compared to what this curve ball is going to end up being... 

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You should fear anything that can bleed for seven days without dying...  (as told to Mr. DS on 3-12-10)
Molly


The Mediator

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OK, now you've got me curious DS. Moving in with a guy? Getting married? Eloped? Is she a lesbian? ...?

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disco strangler


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Molly wrote:

OK, now you've got me curious DS. Moving in with a guy? Getting married? Eloped? Is she a lesbian? ...?

no, molly.  every one of those i could handle.  i moved in with a guy when i was her age.  had a kid because of it too.  i've even eloped -- if she eloped that would save me tons of $$   even if she was a lesbian i could handle that -- i have many homosexual "friends" -- they're just people...


i don't have a pretty past, and i've made choices that had to be made, always picking the lesser of two evils, but i've always taken on my own.


her birth father, who is bad news, found her on the internet and contacted her, and now wants to start a relationship with her (in a nutshell).  i knew it would happen, but i was hoping she would be graduated from college first...



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You should fear anything that can bleed for seven days without dying...  (as told to Mr. DS on 3-12-10)
Dylan


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Is she a senior this year DS?

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Ruby


The Good Witch Of The South

    



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Gosh DS- I have the same fear about my son and his dad. Sorry and I will pray for you. You have done a good job raising her. If it has been this long since they have talked- she will hold you up higher than him always. Kids remember these things. I wish somedays that my son and his dad would talk so his dad could see what he missed and how his absence has affected his son.

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disco strangler


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she is a sophomore, but just got about a year added to achieving her degree when she was accepted into the fine arts program...  so that's about 2 years to go if she continues to take summer trimester and doesn't get derailed.

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You should fear anything that can bleed for seven days without dying...  (as told to Mr. DS on 3-12-10)
Molly


The Mediator

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Ah, I see. That's something every kid in that situation has to go through though. But, maybe you could try to get her to go through a counseling service or something to do it so it's mediated.

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Ruby


The Good Witch Of The South

    



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That is a great idea Molly. DS our school offers free services here- maybe her school has something that she could look into if she feels distracted.

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disco strangler


Smiles everyone, smiles!

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Molly wrote:

Ah, I see. That's something every kid in that situation has to go through though. But, maybe you could try to get her to go through a counseling service or something to do it so it's mediated.
i wish she were still a child, but she will be 21 this year.  i can't protect her from dumb a$$es, much less tell her what to do anymore.  he is really bad news...

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You should fear anything that can bleed for seven days without dying...  (as told to Mr. DS on 3-12-10)
Dylan


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If he is a weasle, she will see it DS...but she probably will need to discover that firsthand

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disco strangler


Smiles everyone, smiles!

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Ruby wrote:

That is a great idea Molly. DS our school offers free services here- maybe her school has something that she could look into if she feels distracted.

she closed down her xanga and myspace accounts.  you would think that would send a message (but with him i know it will only make him more persistant).  i mentioned to her that if she feels like he is interfereing with her concentration on her education, she can get a protective order.  but she doesn't want to go to court.  i told her my protective order only pertains to me.  maybe i can suggest that she see if her school has some kind of services as such.  thanks for the info.



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You should fear anything that can bleed for seven days without dying...  (as told to Mr. DS on 3-12-10)
disco strangler


Smiles everyone, smiles!

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Dylan wrote:

If he is a weasle, she will see it DS...but she probably will need to discover that firsthand
yes, i told her that.  but, i fear that if she gives him the chance and she figures it out, and tries to get away from him, he will be a thorn in her side always.  i don't blame her if she wants to meet him.  if i was a kid that didn't really know my birth father, i would be curious.  i wouldn't have such anxiety, but i know how bad he is. 

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You should fear anything that can bleed for seven days without dying...  (as told to Mr. DS on 3-12-10)
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