Some women are like Internet Explorer

Some women are like Internet Explorer: bloated, unstable, and open to exploitation by anyone who wants to have a go. Those of us who don’t know better stick with our IE woman through thick and thin. We may do this because of several reasons:

1.We like’em big, slow and moody
2.She has sucked us in and made us dependent on her friends and family
3.We are naïve and unaware of everything she is doing behind our backs
4.We just don’t care

But most of us do. That’s why Firefox is gaining popularity. Now, let me say a few words about the women who are like Firefox: They’re slim, good looking, quite stable, and have smaller security erm.. gaps. But most of all they’re simple. Firefox women are the kind you can show to your friends and take out to a bar, but never ask to mow the lawn. That is, unless she has a (hair) extension for it. It is easy to mistake beauty for quality. Beauty, as they say, is often only skin deep.

There are several benefits to dating these women, but the biggest is perhaps that we don’t have to go through the pain of getting to know her intimately. What you see is what you get. These are WYSIWYG women.

It’s easy to fall in love with Firefox women because of their relative beauty and simplicity. Because, stereotypically, men are supposed to be simple. We want a browser/woman that looks good and doesn’t demand much attention or maintenance. Although nobody can deny that the world is full of such men, I think it is fair to say that most of us are more complex and want to have meaningful relationships.

We are either gay, or we chose Opera women.

Not because Opera women promise (and indeed give) you the best experience on any platform, but because they complete us. Opera women reshape the way we see and move about in the world. They let us discover new sides every day, and make our lives more joyful.

But of course, in all their greatness, Opera women are indeed women, and as such their Opera features can be, but are not always, beneficial to us men:

Take sessions. If you have a fight and you disagree so much that she simply shuts down, you have the option of picking up where you left off (bad) – OR you can start with a blank page (very good!). Imagine the luxury! But be careful, you can be sure that she has saved that session, and make one wrong step and she’ll bring it right back and smack you in the face with it. And there is nothing you can do to cover up. Because she remembers…

Of course, any comparison between the Opera browser and women would not be complete without mentioning the sophisticated chat feature. The chat feature is closely linked to the newsfeeds function which enables them to instantly receive the latest rumors and spread them with the most powerful communications tool available.

Then there’s Mouse Gestures… I wanted to make jokes about the incredible things they can do with their mouse, but they only make sense in Norwegian… and Portuguese, I was told.

It is perhaps a stretch to say that you Opera women, who we hold so dearly, share all the qualities of the Opera browser. There is particularly one feature I think most lack – namely what we on the feature list call "cookie control", and means you are able to reject all cookies if so desired. I have never heard of a woman with cookie control.

Lastly, one Opera browser feature that really struck me as universal in that I think it is highly developed in all women: If we stick with the analogy that women are like browsers, there is one trait we in Opera call Browser Spoofing. This is the cunning ability to masquerade as another browser to get what you want…

When all is said and done, millions of us have discovered how wonderful Opera women are. But our hearts and sympathy go out to our brothers who have yet to do so. I think it boils down to maturity and sophistication. Men are slow learners and some would argue that we remain simple and immature for the greater part of our lives. That's why we mess around with Firefox women. That's why divorce statistics are so high. When we find our Opera woman we stick with her through thick and thin. Beauty can be so many things, and we may all define it differently. What matters is that you trust each other fully, communicate well, and keep each other happy.

Now, if all the men here would stand up, raise your glasses, and if you are one of the 33 guys here lucky enough to be sitting next to an Opera woman, look her in the eyes and join me in the toast for the ladies.

And remember: You don't love a woman because she is beautiful, but she is beautiful because you love her.

There might be some overlap- but they are funny the second time too!

 

Men are like......

.....placemats
they only show up when there's food on the table.

.....mascara
they usually run at the first sign of emotion.

.....bike helmets
they're good in emergencies but usually just look silly.

.....government bonds
they take so long to mature.

.....copiers
you need them in reproduction but that's about it.

.....lava lamps
fun to look at it but not all that bright.

.....bank accounts
without a lot of money they don't generate a lot of interest.

.....high heels
they're easy to walk on once you get the hang of it.

.....curling irons
they're always hot and always in your hair.

.....mini skirts
if your not careful they'll creep up your legs.

.....handguns
keep one around long enough and your gonna want to shoot it.

SUMMER CLASSES FOR MEN AT: Local YMCA


THE
LEARNING CENTER FOR ADULTS

REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED
BY Monday, Sept. 25, 2006

NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL

OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM.

Class 1

How To Fill Up The Ice Cube Trays --- Step by Step, with Slide Presentation.
Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.


Class 2

The Toilet Paper Roll --- Does It Change Itself?

Round Table Discussion.
Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.

Class 3
Is It Possible To Urinate Using The Technique Of Lifting The Seat and Avoiding The Floor, Walls and Nearby Bathtub? --- Group Practice.
Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.
Class 4
Fundamental Differences Between The Laundry Hamper and The Floor ---
Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.
Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks .
Class 5
After Dinner Dishes --- Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Kitchen Sink?
Examples on Video.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning
at 7:00 PM

Class 6
Loss Of Identity --- Losing The Remote To Your Significant Other.
Help Line Support and Support Groups.
Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM

Class 7
Learning How To Find Things --- Starting With Looking In The Right Places And Not Turning The House Upside Down While Screaming.
Open Forum .
Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.
Class 8
Health Watch --- Bringing Her Flowers Is Not Harmful To Your Health.
Graphics and Audio Tapes.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 9
Real Men Ask For Directions When Lost --- Real Life Testimonials.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined.
Class 10
Is It Genetically Impossible To Sit Quietly While She Parallel Parks?
Driving Simulations.
4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours.

Class 11
Learning to Live --- Basic Differences Between Mother and Wife.
Online Classes and role-playing .
Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined
Class 12
How to be the Ideal Shopping Companion
Relaxation Exercises, Meditation and Breathing Techniques.
Meets 4 ! weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.
Class 13
How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy --- Remembering Birthdays, Anniversaries and Other Important Dates and Calling When You're Going To Be Late.
Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 14
The Stove/Oven --- What It Is and How It Is Used.
Live Demonstration.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM, location to be determined.



Upon completion of any of the above courses, diplomas will be issued to the survivors.

Send this to all the guys that you think can stand the heat, and to all the ladies for the best chuckle of their day