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Post Info TOPIC: Dear Diary


Chairwoman Of The Board

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Date:
Dear Diary



 








Dear Diary:

May 30th:

Just moved to Huntsville, Alabama from up North.  Now
this is a city that knows how to live!!  Beautiful
sunny days and warm balmy evenings.  What a place!
Watched the sunset from a party on a blanket. It
was beautiful. I've finally found my home. I love it
here.

June 14th:

Really heating up. Got to 100 today. Not a problem.
Live in an air-conditiond home, drive an
air-conditioned car. What a pleasure to see the sun
everyday like this. I'm turning into a sun
worshipper.

June 30th:

Had the backyard landscaped with wesern plants
today. Lots of cactus and rocks. What a breeze to
maintain. No more mowing lawn for me. Another
scorcher today, but I love it here.

July 10th:

The temperature hasn't been below 100 all week. How
do people get used to this kind of heat? At least it's
kind of windy though. But getting used to the heat and
humidity is taking longer that I expected.

July 15th:

Fell asleep by the pool. (Got 3rd degree burns over
60% of my body.) Missed 3 days of work. What a dumb
thing to do. I learned my lesson though. Got to
respect the ol' sun in a climate like this.

July 20th:

I missed Morgan (our cat) sneaking into the car when
I left this morning. By the time I got to the hot car
for lunch, Morgan had died and swollen up to the size
of a shopping bag and stank up the $2,000 leather
upholstery. I told the kids that she ran away. The car
now smells like Kibbles and ****s. I learned my lesson
though. No more pets in this heat.

July 25th:

The wind sucks. It feels like a giant freaking blow
dryer!! And it's hot as hell. The home air-conditioner
is on the fritz and the AC repairman charged $200 just
to drive by and tell me he needed to order parts.

July 30th:

Been sleeping outside by the pool for 3 nights now.
$1,500 in damn house payments and we can't even go
inside. Why did I ever come here?

August 4th:

It's 105 degrees. Finally got the air-conditioner
fixed today. It cost $500 and gets the temperature
down to 85, but this freaking humidity makes the house
feel like it's about 95. Stupid repairman pissed in my
pool. I hate this stupid city.

August 8th:

If another wise ass cracks, "Hot enough for you
today?", I'm going to strangle him. Damn heat. By the
time I get to work the radiator is boiling over, my
clothes are soaking wet, and I smell like baked cat!!

August 9th:

Tried to run some errands after work. Wore shorts
and sat on the black leather seats in the ol' car. I
thought my ass was on fire. I lost two layers of flesh
and all the hair on the back of my legs and ass. Now
my car smells like burnt hair, fried ass, and baked
cat.

August 10th:

The weather report might as well be a damn
recording. Hot and sunny. Hot and sunny. Hot and
sunny. It's been too hot to do anything for 2 damn
months and the weatherman says it might really warm up
next week. Does't it ever rain in this damn desert??
Water rationing will be next, so might as well watch
$1700 worth of cactus just dry up and blow into the
damn pool. Even the cactus can't live in this damn
heat.

August 15th:

Welcome to HELL!!! Temperature got to 105 today.
Forgot to crack the window and blew the damn
windshield out of the car. The installer came to fix
it and said, "Hot enough for you today?" My wife had
to spend the $1500 house payment to bail me out of
jail. Freaking South . What kind of a sick demented
idiot would want to live here??



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