DICTIONARY FOR DECODING WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS: 40-ish................................49. Adventurous.......................Slept with everyone. Athletic...............................No breasts. Average looking....................Moooo. Beautiful..............................Pathological liar. Emotionally Secure................On medication. Feminist................................Fat. Free spirit............................Junkie.
Friendship first......................Former slut. New-Age............................Body hair in the wrong places. Old-fashioned.......................No BJs. Open-minded.......................Desperate. Outgoing.............................Loud and Embarrassing. Professional..........................Bitch.
Voluptuous..........................Very Fat. Large frame...........................Hugely Fat. Wants Soul mate..................Stalker.
DICTIONARY FOR DECODING WOMEN'S ENGLISH: 1. Yes = No 2. No = Yes 3. Maybe = No 4. We need = I want 5. I am sorry = You'll be sorry 6. We need to talk = You're in trouble 7. Sure, go ahead = You better not 8. Do what you want = You will pay for this later 9. I am not upset = Of course, I am upset, you moron! 10. You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about? DICTIONARY FOR DECODING MEN'S ENGLISH: 1. I am hungry = I am hungry 2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy 3. I am tired = I am tired 4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage! 5. I love you = Let's have sex now 6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex? 7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you. 8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you. 9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you. 10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you. 11. I don't think those shoes go with that outfit. = I'm gay.
