A little rabbit is happily running through the forest when he stumbles upon a giraffe rolling a joint. The rabbit looks at her and says, "Giraffe, my friend, Think about what you're doing to yourself! Come with me running through the forest, you'll see, you'll feel so much better!"
The giraffe looks at him, looks at the joint, tosses it and goes off running with the rabbit.
Then they come across an elephant doing coke. So the rabbit again says, "Elephant my friend, why do you do this? Think about what you're doing to yourself! Come running with us through the pretty forest, you'll see, you'll feel so good!"
The elephant looks at them, looks at his razor, mirror and all, then tosses them and starts running with the rabbit and giraffe.
The three animals then come across a lion about to shoot up. "Lion my friend, why do you do this? Think about what you're doing to yourself! Come running with us through the sunny forest, you will feel so good!"
The lion looks at him, puts down his needle, and starts to beat the **** out of the little rabbit. The giraffe and elephant watch in horror, then finally obtain the presence of mind to pull the lion off the rabbit.
"Lion," they reprimand, "why did you do this? He was merely trying to help us all!"
The lion answers, "That little bastard has me running around the forest like an idiot for hours every time he's on ecstasy!"
A horse and a chicken are playing in a meadow. The horse falls into a mud hole and is sinking. He calls to the chicken to go and get the farmer to help pull him out to safety. The chicken runs to the farm but the farmer can't be found. So he drives the farmer's Mercedes back to the mud hole and ties some rope around the bumper. He then throws the other end of the rope to his friend, the horse, and drives the car forward saving him from sinking! A few days later, the chicken and horse were playing in the meadow again and the chicken fell into the mud hole. The chicken yelled to the horse to go and get some help from the farmer. The horse said, "I think I can stand over the hole!" So he stretched over the width of the hole and said, "Grab for my 'thingy' and pull yourself up." And the chicken did and pulled himself to safety.
The moral of the story:
If you are hung like a horse, you don't need a Mercedes to pick up chicks.
Two Irish guys are fishing. The first guy reels in his line and sees that he's snagged an old bottle. As he's taking it off the hook, a genie pops out and promises to grant him one wish. "Turn the lake into beer," he says. The genie goes "Poof!" and the lake turns into beer. He says to the other guy, "So what do you think?" The other guy says, "You jerk. Now we've got to piss in the boat."
blonde wanting to earn some extra money, decided to hire herself out as a >>"Handyman" and started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighborhood. She >>went >>to the front door of the first house & asked the owner if he had any odd >>jobs >>for her to do. >> >> >> >>"Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my porch", he said. "How >>much >>will you charge me?" The blonde quickly responded, "How about $50.00?" >>The >>man agreed and told her that the paint and supplies were in the garage. >> >> >> >>The man's wife, hearing the conversation, said to her husband, "Does >>she >>realize that our porch goes all the way around the house?" He responded, >>"That's a bit cynical, isn't it?" The wife replied, "You're right. I >>guess I'm >>starting to believe all those dumb blonde jokes we've been getting by >>email >>lately." >> >> >> >>A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. >>"You >>finished already?" the husband asked. >> >> >> >>"Yes", the blonde replied "and I had paint leftover so I gave it two >>coats!" >> >> >> >>Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50 and handed it to >>her. >> >> >> >>"Oh, and by the way", the blonde added, "it's not a Porch, it's a >>Lexus".
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Sometimes, when i'm lonely... i crawl into a laundry basket and tickle my ears. But, Some times I don't...
