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Post Info TOPIC: Changes at work
Ruby


The Good Witch Of The South

    



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Changes at work
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To all Employees:

Effective January 2007

Dress Code

1. It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary.
If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a pay raise.

2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better,so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.

3. If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a pay raise.

Sick Days

We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as proof of sickness.

If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

Holiday Days

Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.


Toilet Use

1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the cubicles.

2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle door will open, and your picture will be taken.

3. After your second offence, your picture will be posted on the  notice board under the "Chronic Offenders" category.

4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the organisation’s mental health policy.

Lunch Break

1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more so that they can look healthy.

2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.

3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.

Thank you for your loyalty. Remember we are an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive employment experience.

Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations,irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.



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Sparky


Phat Cat EL Presidente

    



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I just printed that and posted it in the kitchen annonomously!

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Sometimes, when i'm lonely... i crawl into a laundry basket and tickle my ears. But, Some times I don't...
Ruby


The Good Witch Of The South

    



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I bet Sparky gets out of the bathroom in record time!

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Sparky


Phat Cat EL Presidente

    



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I have learned to hold it for 8 hours, which is really hard after 4 12 oz cups of coffee.



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Sometimes, when i'm lonely... i crawl into a laundry basket and tickle my ears. But, Some times I don't...
sgmorrell


Low in Fiber High in M-SG

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Very funny!  Thing is I can imagine our corporate office doing this!

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