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Post Info TOPIC: Halloween Humor
JD The Jazz Doctor


Grand Poobah

    



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Halloween Humor
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A man was walking home alone late one foggy night,

when behind him he hears:



BUMP...




BUMP...




BUMP...




Walking faster, he looks back and through the fog he makes out the image of an upright casket banging its way down the middle of the street toward him.


BUMP...



BUMP...




BUMP...




Terrified, the man begins to run toward his home, the casket bouncing quickly behind him





FASTER...





FASTER...




BUMP...




BUMP...




BUMP...



He runs up to his door, fumbles wit h his keys, opens the door, rushes in, slams and locks the door behind him.





However, the casket crashes through his door, with the lid of the casket clapping




clappity-BUMP...





clappity-BUMP...





clappity-BUMP...




on his heels, the terrified man runs.




Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, the man locks himself in. His heart is pounding; his head is reeling; his breath is coming in sobbing gasps.



With a loud CRASH the casket breaks down the door.









Bumping and clapping toward him.





The man screams and reaches for something, anything,
but all he can find is a bottle of cough syrup!





Desperate, he throws the cough syrup at the casket...




and,



(hopefully you're ready for this!!!)





The coffin stops



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Woo Hoo


The Chosen Woo

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disco strangler


Smiles everyone, smiles!

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very cute!

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Ruby


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craig uk


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As the great Bill and Ted used to say "EXCELLANT"!

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Woo Hoo


The Chosen Woo

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craig uk wrote:

As the great Bill and Ted used to say "EXCELLANT"!


Oh Dude! OK YOU NOW ROCK IN MY BOOK!


Bill & Ted!



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craig uk


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Woo Hoo wrote:


craig uk wrote:

As the great Bill and Ted used to say "EXCELLANT"!


Oh Dude! OK YOU NOW ROCK IN MY BOOK!


Bill & Ted!



        Cheers Woo, and also the soundtrack was one of my fav's ever! 

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allycat


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Woo Hoo


The Chosen Woo

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allycat wrote:




is that for the joke or for me?

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Sparky


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Doh!

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Sometimes, when i'm lonely... i crawl into a laundry basket and tickle my ears. But, Some times I don't...
Sparky


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Nock Nock...



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Sometimes, when i'm lonely... i crawl into a laundry basket and tickle my ears. But, Some times I don't...
allycat


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Woo Hoo wrote:


allycat wrote:




is that for the joke or for me?

the joke....that was THE worse joke I have seen a a while now!

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Jeremy Riggs


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I liked it!

I like dumb jokes.

I gotta call my aunt!

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craig uk


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I think i'll make copys of the joke and when we get trick or treat kids i'll say treat and give them a copy each! Ha Ha 

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Ruby


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I liked it too!

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Sparky


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Q. What do goblins and ghosts drink when they're hot and thirsty on Halloween? A. Ghoul-aid!!!


Q. What is a Mummie's favorite type of music? A. Wrap!!!!!


Q. Why do demons and ghouls hang out together? A. Because demons are a ghouls best friend!


Q. What's a monster's favorite bean? A. A human bean.


Q. Why can't the boy ghost have babies? A. Because he has a Hallo-weenie.


Q. What do you call a witch who lives at the beach? A. A sand-witch.


Q. Where does a ghost go on Saturday night? A. Anywhere where he can boo-gie.


Q. What did the skeleton say to the vampire? A. You suck.


Q. What do ghosts say when something is really neat? A.Ghoul


Q. Why did the ghost go into the bar? A. For the Boos.


Q. Why was the girl afraid of the vampire? A. He was all bite and no bark.


Q. Why did the game warden arrest the ghost? A. He didn't have a haunting license.


Q. Why didn't the skeleton dance at the party? A. He had no body to dance with.


Q. Where does Count Dracula usually eat his lunch? A. At the casketeria.


Q. What happens when a ghost gets lost in the fog? A. He is mist.


Q. Where did the goblin throw the football? A. Over the ghoul line.


Q. Why doesn't Dracula mind the doctor looking at his throat. A. Because of the coffin.


Q. Why is a ghost such a messy eater? A. Because he is always a goblin.


Q. What do you call a goblin who gets too close to a bonfire? A. A toasty ghosty.


Q. Why did the Vampire read the Wall Street Journal? Q. He heard it had great circulation.


Q. What tops off a ghost's ice cream sundae? A. Whipped scream.


Q. What do you give a skeleton for valentine's day? A. Bone-bones in a heart shaped box.


Q. What are ghosts' favorite kind of streets? A. Dead ends


Q. What is a vampires favorite holiday? A. Fangsgiving


Q. What kind of makeup do ghosts wear? A. Mas-scare-a.


Q. Why did the skeleton cross the road? A. To go to the body shop.


Q. What happens when two vampires meet? A. It was love at first bite!


Q. Who was the most famous ghost detective? A. Sherlock Moans.


Q. What do you call two spiders that just got married? A. Newlywebbed


Q. What is a ghosts favorite place on the web? A. www.halloween.com!


Q. Who was the most famous witch detective? A. Warlock Holmes


Q. What did the ghost say to the man at the coffee shop? A. Scream or sugar!


Q. Who was the most famous skeleton detective? A. Sherlock Bones.


Q. Who was the most famous French



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Sometimes, when i'm lonely... i crawl into a laundry basket and tickle my ears. But, Some times I don't...
Sparky


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Q. Who was the most famous French skeleton? A. Napoleon bone-apart


Q. Which building does Dracula visit in New York? A. The Vampire State Building.


Q. Where do most werewolves live? A. In howllywood, California


Q. Where do most goblins live? A. in North and South Scarolina.


Q. Where does a ghost refuel his porche? A. At a ghastly station.


Q. What do Italian's eat on Halloween? A. Fettucinni Afraid-o (Ha ha ha)


Q. Why did the skeleton go disco dancing? A. to see the boogy man.


Q. What do witches use in their hair? A. scare-spray


Q. What do you call a little monsters parents A. mummy and deady


Q. What do you get when you cross a black cat with a lemon. A. sour-puss


Q. How do you scare a mummy A. with a yummy dummy in a crash test crummy.


Q. What do you get when you cross a vampire with the internet? A. blood-thirsty hacker baby


Q. What do you get when you cross a pumpkin with a skwaush? A. a squashed pumpkin pie.


Q. Why do ghosts shiver and moan? A. It's drafty under that sheet.


Q. What instrument do skeleton play? A: Trom-BONE.


Q. What do ghosts eat for breakfast? A. Boo-Berries.


Q. What is a vampires favorite place on the web? A. www.halloween.com!


Q: Why did't the skeleton cross the road? A: He had no guts.


Q. Why do vampires scare people? A. They are bored to death!


Q. How can you tell a vampire likes baseball? A. Every night he turns into a bat.


Q. What's it like to be kissed by a vampire? A. It's a pain in the neck.


Q. How can you tell when a vampire has been in a bakery? A. All the jelly has been sucked out of the jelly doughnuts.


Q. What songs does Dracula hate? A. "You Are My Sunshine" and "Sunshine on my Shoulders.


Q. What did the Mummy movie director say when the final scene was done? A. Ok, that's a wrap.


Q. How does a girl vampire flirt? A. She bats her eyes.


Q. What is a vampires least favorite food? A.Steak


Q. What's it called when a vampire has trouble with his house? A. A grave problem.


Q. Why doesn't anybody like Dracula? A. He has a bat temper.


Q. Why did Dracula go to the dentist? A. He had a fang-ache.


Q. Why are vampires like false teeth? A. They all come out at night.


Q. Who does Dracula get letters from? A. His fang club.


Q. What kind of key does a skeleton use? A. A skeleton key.


Q. What kind of gum do ghosts chew? A. Boo Boo Gum.


Q. Why did Dracula take cold medicine? A. To stop his coffin.


Q. Why does Dracula wear patent leather shoes? A. Sandals don't look good with his tuxedo.


Q. How do you keep a monster from biting his nails? A. Give him screws.


Q. What can't you give the headless horseman? A. A headache.


Q. Why did the headless horseman go into business? A. He wanted to get ahead in life.


Q. What is a ghosts favorite sale? A. A white sale.


Q. What kind of tie does a ghost wear to a formal party? A. A boo-tie.


Q. What's a ghosts favorite desert? A. Boo-berry pie.


Q. What type of dog does every vampire have? A. Bloodhound!


Q. What's a monsters favorite desert? A. I-Scream!!



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Sometimes, when i'm lonely... i crawl into a laundry basket and tickle my ears. But, Some times I don't...
Woo Hoo


The Chosen Woo

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Ok JD, how did you access my email?!! I got that joke when I went to check my messages!

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Erica


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An extremely modest man was in the hospital for a
 series of tests, the last of which had left his
 bodily systems extremely upset.

 Upon making several false alarm trips to the
 bathroom, he decided the latest episode was another
 and stayed put. He suddenly filled his bed with
 diarrhea and was embarrassed beyond his ability to
 remain rational.

  In a complete loss of composure he jumped out of
 bed, gathered up the bed sheets, and threw them out
 the hospital window.

  A drunk was walking by the hospital when the sheets
 landed on him. He started yelling, cursing, and
 swinging his arms violently trying to get the
 unknown things off, and ended up with the soiled
 sheets in a tangled pile at his feet.

 As the drunk stood there, unsteady on his feet,
 staring down at the sheets, a hospital security
 guard, (barely containing his laughter), and  who
 had watched the whole incident, walked up and asked,

 "What is going on here?"

  The drunk, still staring down replied:
  "I think I just beat the ****  out of a ghost."



-- Edited by Erica at 16:55, 2006-10-31

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Jeremy Riggs


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Well, there was Erica's ONE POST OF THE QUARTER!

See you again near the end of January sis'

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Woo Hoo


The Chosen Woo

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eeeewwwww! lol

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Sparky


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Reminds me of when we were in Mexico and AC's aunt and uncle forgot to take the chocolates off of the pillows. they slept on them and her uncle got up and turned on the light because he felt something gritty. When he pulled back the covers he acused her of S%$&$& the bed! It was all over the white sheets and them.

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Sometimes, when i'm lonely... i crawl into a laundry basket and tickle my ears. But, Some times I don't...
Woo Hoo


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